'The Real Housewives of Potomac' Keep Getting Arrested

I don't know how else to say this: The Real Housewives of Potomac keep getting arrested.

To their credit, they are not the only cast with colorful mugshots emblazoned across decorative coasters and needlepoints on Etsy. A criminal record is almost required these days to get any good The Real Housewives franchise up off the ground, following in the footsteps of giants like Luann DeLesseps, Teresa Giudice, Jen Shah, Danielle Staub and Tinsley Mortimer.

But to the credit of The Real Housewives of Potomac, there's no other cast doing it quite like them. In the last year alone, Karen Huger, Wendy Osefo and now Mia Thornton have all been arrested or sent to prison for something or other. Huger is free now, and Osefo contests the charges. But there's a delicious irony to the whole thing, considering Potomac was initially billed as an exclusive look into the upper crust of Potomac society, where women in florals hosted charity luncheons and sorority events and political dinners.

Either the veneer has cracked or The Real Housewives is an invasive force akin to the Xenomorphs from Alien. It arrives in unsuspecting enclaves of the rich and famous who dabbled in forces beyond their control. The broader themes of women's bodily autonomy and violence in Alien are almost too on the nose for this metaphor, but there is an uncomfortable exactitude to the idea of Bravo as a chest burster, exploding out of a potential Housewife.

Shall we talk about that very nice dress the Xenomorph ruined now?

The Real Housewives of Potomac

Monique Samuels is back, after fan demand and an opportunistic plot line forced these producers' hands. Not much seems to have changed for Monique, sans the divorce she described like weight loss, or the tragic passing of her bird in a freak accident. But inside, she seems very much the same: pointed like a weapon at whoever crosses her first.

I wonder if her punishment for brawling with Candiace all those years ago was being confined to whatever this void prison is around her confessional booth. I don't think we've ever seen a Housewife sit in a void, sans those cold opens where green screens and assistants are visible. It makes me think she was not originally slated to have a confessional at all, and this was filmed under a crunch to gussy up the lack of coherent plot lines this season. It'd make sense, as there's something slightly off about the lighting and visible black chair behind her.

As for the fashion, it's another armored dress in a sea of armored dresses. She's dressed like the third runner up on a post-COVID season of RuPaul's Drag Race, which isn't a read. I'm just being honest about my television consumption habits. I find it almost charming, since it conflicts with her real-world crunchiness. It's hard to picture that first woman also hawks essential oils — she should be at the club!

Ashley Darby

I have it on good authority that Inspector Gadget here is waging psychological warfare on me through her confessional looks because of the things I've said about her sense of style. Perhaps if she stopped dressing like Carmen Sandiego got booked for a Coach campaign I'd lay off her! But she won't, and so I'll continue to endure the Cold War stalemate we're locked in, desperate for some advantage over her technological advancements in the field of wig geometry and also gloves.

Wendy Osefo

I expect Wendy to show up in a dress that she's drowning in. Having looked at that little pink tweed number all season, I'm glad to she's back to more familiar silhouettes, like whatever this is. She looks exquisite, really. She always does! But god, is it even possible to buy a dress in Potomac that isn't shaped like those architectural marvels they keep advertising over in Dubai, or Abu Dhabi?

Tia Glover

I quite like this dress, courtesy of that nearly invisible illusion lace that's been perfectly matched to her skin here. The muted tan is a stunning color for Tia, and while I dislike how visible most other pants and skirts are in the frame-ups on her confessionals this season, I don't mind it here! She should also call up her glam team and beg them to stay with her for life. She always looks so fresh, which is refreshing.

Gizelle Bryant

Everyone clap, because Gizelle clearly didn't get dressed in the dark this time! I do think they did her makeup in the dark though, which is fine, because I only have eyes for this stunning red number. It's really her color, although the white balancing doesn't do any favors. I like when she abandons the Skims bodysuits and dresses like what can only be described as a "hot momma." Good for her! I'm still clapping.

The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City

I enjoy Bronwyn's bob. I enjoy that she flicks and flings and moves and shakes and grooves around in her bob. I appreciate that her bob is in different areas, from different angles, and I love that her bob is always the star of any scene it appears in, like this one. While I'd like to know why she's dressed like Corporate Miss Frizzle, I'll take the wins I'm handed, and enjoy the bob while I can.

It has taken me some time to really get a gauge on Bronwyn's sense of style, and while the couture and diamonds and banana costumes occasionally blind me, it's her daytime drag that's most revealing. This is a woman who, through no fault of her own, occasionally shows up places looking like the spoiled daughter in a movie about her dead mom who's just been told she's grounded by the nanny falling in love with her absentee businessman father.

Meredith Marks

Jumping back in time, I'd like to briefly address this hat that Meredith wore shortly before (allegedly) blacking out on a plane. From the looks of it, the hat was possessed by a nefarious entity that had clearly taken control of Meredith. Maybe it was the spirit of the dead mormon girl they made up earlier this season who hunts (rudely described) "loose" women for fun.

Heather Gay

There's a thing that Mormon women do when they have to get serious on television, and it's layer every necklace they have and sit somewhere windy in a blouse. Heather here is demonstrating that primal urge. Perhaps it's an evolutionary defense mechanism her pioneer ancestors picked up on the trail.

Britani Bateman

In another life, Britani would have been an Oscar winning actress in a Martin Scorsese movie from the '80s or '90s. This is not that life, so instead she's on the Scorsese movie of reality television, emoting through her falsies in tweed.

Whitney Rose

I'm entranced by the Wild Rose. She rocks up to any function looking like a career driven woman who operates a women-owned brothel in Las Vegas. This pantsuit with the broad buttons fabulous, as is her ginger bob. Fly free, wild rose!

Mary Cosby

I don't have much to say about Mary's business casual shirt, really. I mostly wanted to point out that she is again wearing gloves inside, for the fifteenth time this season and the hundredth overall on this franchise.

Angie Katsanevas

Angie Katsanevas is the most beautiful woman alive. There has never been another woman like Angie Katsanevas and there never will be. Stunning! Gorgeous! Love you, mother!

Images courtesy of Bravo/NBC Universal