'Summer House' Gives Me Strength to Survive the Winter

Hell has frozen over. I'd know, I've slipped on it.

Every year, all my failures and triumphs are crystalized in the thick blanket of ice outside so that they may melt away in the springtime, providing me another feeble opportunity to do it all over again. Through no small effort, I transform this bitterness into romance. This prison of ice must mean something, if I am to survive it. It must mean something to watch this world turn gray, chasing down the last bursts of green on the trees outside my window as they desperately fight against their fate.

I watched a rat try desperately to summit a half-toppled trash can, frozen in the moment of its own demise by a waterfall of ice and snow. Again and again, like Sisyphus, it makes its way up the trash-riddled slope, only to slip back down again with all those riches in reach. Perhaps, to a tiny rat, the trash can seemed bigger than the whole world, like mountains that grow larger as you approach them, all but dwarfing the sky.

It could not perceive the futility, by its very nature, because futility was all there ever could be to a rat.

In many ways I am that very rat, slipping through January on a sled of my own mistery. At the very least, I know each year that I must chisel a path to February so that I may watch Summer House. Its warmth overwhelms winter, overwhelms even the frostiness in Amanda Batula and Kyle Cooke's marriage. It thaws the ice that has formed between West Wilson and Ciara Miller, or between me and Carl Radke's sweater vests. Each year, I am afforded an opportunity to do it all over again. Each year, I am afforded an opportunity to watch a television program about people trapped in a similar turning of the great wheel that grinds all of us to dust someday.

Not their polyester fashions, though. We may not survive the winter, or the endless turning of the great wheel of time, but the polyester fashions will. Shall we talk about them, while we still have the chance?

Summer House

Ciara is not just a beautiful woman, as she says in a teaser for the upcoming season. She is also whip smart, as demonstrated on a recent season of The Traitors. Besides that, Ciara is a chic dresser. Here at PAPER, those talents have combined to make her one of the pillars of this column, defying the inherently cheap nature of the show that first brought her to us.

This first outfit plays on all her strengths. The color is, as always, just so gorgeous on her. The glam is sublime, and while I've been known to harp on her lack of accessorizing, at least she's given us something to look at! I'm more disappointed in the failed promise of the second outfit. The bob is an instant benchmark for her, made all the better by this side part. I'm also loving the anachronistic makeup — while her Gen Z cohort stay mucking about in the mid-to-late 2000s, she's still partying in a Toni Braxton music video from before most of you were born. I just wish she'd have never picked up this top! I'm going to tell myself it's a brand deal, just to self soothe.

Amanda Batula and Carl Radke are on parallel healing journeys. Amanda Batula and Carl Radke are also in matching not-quite sweater vests. What is it all supposed to mean? Is it a sign that the repression and torment they've been trapped by are weakening, somewhat? Is this some small act of resistance against the forces of darkness that encroach upon them, like signal flairs on the deserted isles of their own loneliness? Someone, quick, send out the search and rescue!

I very much love the contrasting styling sensibilities between Ciara and Amanda. Whereas Amanda is prone to maximalism in her minimalist wardrobe, Ciara keeps things relatively straightforward under the same style umbrella. She just wears what she thinks is cute, while Amanda is very intentional in placing the belt and the hat and wrapping the top in such a way. Just an interesting display of how two nearly identical wardrobes can be deployed in such vastly different ways. (Remember Amanda's oversized button up shirt last season?)

Speaking of someone who does too much, here's west in his male manipulator button ups and too-many necklaces and even more bracelets. None of this is a criticism, just to be clear — I like that the man knows what it is about himself that's so (unfortunately) sexy. Good on him for leaning into it, season after season. I just wish he'd quit the apple cheeked ditz act, only because I know it's false. A man doesn't pursue sports journalism or reality TV fame because he's a cutesy little guy with a cutesy little smile. Let the mask slip already!

KJ Dillard

Newcomer KJ made quite the impression this week for being both a professional skateboarder and also hot. He also has anxiety, which is nice, because it rounds out the representation of men's mental health struggles on this show. That's a torch both Kyle and Carl have shouldered for far too long. The hoodie is a bit last season, as is the white tank, but still I'm into both! The color suits him nicely, and am interested to see where he takes this wardrobe as the season progresses.

Bailey Taylor

This woman runs an Instagram called "It Girl," apparently, which makes sense, considering the particular shade of blonde she's gone with and this cheap silk bustier top. I don't mean to be harsh, because she seems like a perfectly nice person and a welcome addition to the cast. It's just: I wish these West Village layabouts tried a bit harder to differentiate themselves. Seen one, and you've seen 'em all. That neighborhood used to have real grit (and also gay people!)

A Midlife Crisis

I just want everyone to look at the effects of the male loneliness epidemic in action. The man is fully married and would rather DJ on the weekends with his nipples out than see his wife. He wears his brand's merch like its armor. If anything, I think the bracelets he copied from his rival West are the only things keeping him tethered to this earth — how dreadful!

Another Midlife Crisis

Kyle's other rival in the house is this guy, who's apparently Australian and was on that country's version of The Bachelor. I'm almost positive something has happened between himself and Amanda. If it hasn't already, I wish it would! That said, isn't it funny how off it looks when people who are definitely not American drape themselves in the star spangled banner? It really shows how cheap our flag looks, and out place most everyone is wearing these awful colors!

Images courtesy of Bravo/NBC Universal