Let's Be Honest About 'The Real Housewives of Atlanta'

Does anybody know what is actually going on with The Real Housewives of Atlanta. The silence is deafening, like the sounds that escape Phaedra Park's mouth when she laughs at her own jokes. Alternatively, like the noise Porsha makes when she sees her own reflection.

In all seriousness, I am finding it a chore to sit through what was once my favorite Bravo show. The cast has never been more beautiful. They have never been better dressed. There has never been more money between them. But in the midst of it all, what is there to even talk about? Current plot lines concern the feud between Shamea and Porsha that boils down to arguments over fame. Kelli still wears those damn ostrich feathers and Drew is still acting in her one-woman community theater production of being on reality television. Phaedra wore yet another bustier in the confessional booth and made passive aggressive commentary about how she's above everything and everyone she willingly hangs out with.

I'm bored! I'm well and truly bored – and I once watched the paint dry on walls of She by Shereé headquarters. But that doesn't mean I'm bored by the clothes, thank god. I'm just bored of pretending there is anything left to mine on this show. Call me back when they get Nene in the mix.

Until then, at least we have the clothes. Shall we?

The Real Housewives of Atlanta

Porsha Williams

The newly crowned Grande Dame of Atlanta is back in maroon, a fitting color for a woman called all sorts of "seductress" synonyms by her castmates. Despite the aspersions they all cast on her love life, I'm a fan of just about everything this lady puts on. She is stunning, and this color exemplifies that. The makeup is just soft enough, this side part works wonders for her, the little choker is stupid enough to tie it all together and the one arm shawl is just as silly.

Kudos to the whole team, including the hamsters spinning the wheel inside her head.

I've cooled on my initial distaste of Shamea's wardrobe, which was so unbelievably ostentatious last season. We love that sort of thing around here, but it was just so put upon, like she'd been picked up at Central Casting and dressed to play a Real Housewife in a Super Bowl ad.

As I said, though, she's finally come back down to earth. This stoned Albina Dyla crop top is gorgeous, as are her pageant jewels. This is also the best her hair has ever looked. The bob suits her perfectly: it accentuates her features in a complimentary way, brightening her face and giving the clothes a more relaxed, lived in feel.

If the Albina Dyla top is the best she's ever looked, this blue jumpsuit lands somewhere in the middle. The color is a bit too bold for the green screen-ed background, and the low earrings with the turtleneck cut swallow her alive. I almost wonder how it would have read with a bob instead, as this short hair is just so severe. (If fabulous!)

If there's one thing Phaedra Parks is going to do, besides laugh at her own jokes, it's wear champagne bustiers with her tits out. I'm not complaining! The lady is rich and dresses like she wants everyone to know. That includes wearing her Chanel-adjacent Basque set, which is far too stuffy for the booth. All I can think about whenever she dons a jacket is that Instagram story about Lily Rose Depp: "trench coat buttoned to the TOP."

If the Basque look gives strict church lady, this wavy moment makes her look like a sorceress in a modern Disney remake of a beloved children's classic. She's befriended the young princess she's had designs on since that prophecy warned of the heir to her throne.

One thing I appreciate about Drew is that she shops in the same stores as the rest of us. This cropped faux-fur is Naked Wardrobe, which I've purchased myself at Nordstrom, and the cropped jacket is Alice + Olivia, which I stole from my friend's older sister to go on a date in college.

Lucky for her, she elevates the looks with her comedic talents, which have her delivering the most nonsensical line reads straight to camera. If I had to describe her fashion, it's like the b-tier villain in a romcom who's currently dating the lawyer ex our romantic lead has just reconnected with in the big city, far away from college but nearer than ever in her heart. Just picture the scene where Drew and the romantic lead fall in a fountain together.

Speaking of nonsense, this is what Drew wore to walk around with her boyfriend on FaceTime at a couple's dinner in which all of her friends also had their boyfriends on FaceTime. At the very least, the show is still unintentionally hilarious!

At this point, PAPER employs me to specifically write about the millions of ostriches that have perished in the making of Kelli's closet. Each look has more feathers than the last at this point, which almost makes me think she's taunting me. I know these women read this column, because I know lots of things and am told just as much. Is this her defying my strict orders to take them off last season? Time will tell. In the meantime, at least she's dressed like Queen Latifah after her makeover in Last Holiday — if it was remade today, of course.

Where would she jet off to in that movie? Lake Como, probably, and all the mean hotel guests would be influencers instead of out-of-touch CEOs who are cheating on their wives.

K. Michelle

Hey K. Michelle! Nice to see you switched to the other most popular show about Atlanta. Seems you brought a whole new wardrobe with you, which is fun. I just don't know why this was the first look you pulled from it. It's interesting, of course, and the jewels and glam elevate it. But is this a two piece set, and is that a sheer white cotton blend as the base layer?

I need answers before I can properly issue my verdict.

Pinky Cole

I don't have much to say about Pinky currently except that she is here and there's a whole lot about her in the press right now. That said, I love that she wore a tuxedo for her first look of the season. How fun!