We’re Obviously Team Ciara in the ‘Summer House’ Dramageddon

All my dreams have curdled into nightmares; all my wishes have come true, and turned to ash in my mouth. Summer House, my favorite show on television, has become the most talked about thing in the country for the worst possible reasons.

For the gentle community of people who live under rocks and emerge once a read to read PAPER and see what Sonja Morgan has tweeted: let me catch you up to speed. Earlier this week, Amanda Batula and West Wilson confirmed the long-standing rumor that they have been hooking up for an indeterminate amount of time. This was tantamount to betrayal of the highest order for girl's girls globally, seeing as Amanda is the self professed bestie of PAPER star and cast mate Ciara Miller. In case anyone forgot, West and Ciara were previously entangled, after which he humiliated her national television (and in The New York Times.)

She has spent the last two seasons justifiably emotional and distraught over the fallout from that experience, but like any good star, has risen like a phoenix and soared. Of course the man had to circle the block and try and clip her fiery wings once more.

My readers will know I have spent almost three years whacking West over his nice guy act, which I long thought phony, and at best, an attempt to obscure the fact he is a sports journalist, a profession famous for their expert cheating skills. Here's what I wrote about him in earlier this year, long before the rumors started circulating about his indiscretions: "I just wish he'd quit the apple cheeked ditz act, only because I know it's not the whole story. A man doesn't pursue sports journalism or reality TV fame because he's a cutesy little guy with a cutesy little smile. Let the mask slip already!"

Well, the mask slipped. I should be more careful about what I wish for. While I scrub the taste of all these ashes out my mouth, shall we talk about the fashions?

Ciara Miller

It's poignant and almost divinely planned that Ciara dressed like an angel this week in the confessional booth. She has a love for soft sculpture and playing with form, and this is no exception to that rule! The top is just divine, again, and the proportions just weird enough to really elevate it.

That said, the winning piece to this ensemble is the styling of her hair. She could have pulled it all the way back, or worn it short, or had a more dramatic updo. Instead, they made it look like a hasty bun, which adds to the cherubic vibes in ways those other styles would have detracted from.

Back in the real world, she continued to dress like a Tom Ford model. It's nice to know we both bought these sunglasses independently of each other, because it shows we have a pureness of heart and kinship across the boundaries of our differing lives and circumstances.

God, she just looks so damn good. I can't get enough of her! As for Mia, this dress is equally fab. I'm sorry you're not the star this week.

Even when she's dressed like an old hag she's still the most fabulous woman alive. I just know this old lady has a matching leopard thong and a flask hidden up the side of her thigh. I want to sit next to her on the bus and really queen out and learn the secrets of the universe she's gathered over her chic and glamorous life, if she deemed me worthy of them.

West Wilson

Interesting to see he's stepped back from male manipulator drag — bracelets and weird shirts and scarves — and hopped back into his original preppy attire. Right on cue for his big moment of humiliation on the world stage! I like absolutely nothing about this outfit, and look forward to seeing how his style develops over the season, so I can continue inventing more creative ways to insult him.

Amanda Batula

In our interview, Ciara and I spoke at length about her love of arm cuffs. Here is Amanda in an arm cuff suspiciously like the kind that Ciara loves to wear, both in the booth and in real life and even at the reunion. C'mon, Amanda! You already took her ex out of rotation, albeit temporarily. Please don't also jack Ciara's style!

Lindsey Hubbard

Somebody woke Lindsey up from the cryogenic sleep they put her in last season and whispered the words "activate"
in her ear. Glad to see the directive was understood, as she showed up this week sporting her best Aeon Flux attire. For those that don't get the reference, let's just go with Alias as the reference.

I have nothing to say about. a man who shows up on television in a simple black henley. That said, I do have to ask: Did Kyle and Carl share this shirt? Has Kyle been sleeping on Carl's couch amid the divorce, and maybe left it in his laundry by accident? Did Carl know he'd pop up in the same outfit as his on and off again best frenemy?

Dara

Dara hasn't given me much to work with this season, but I did want to point out this lovely shade of olive she popped up in this week. Also, are girls still putting blush on their noses like early-out contestants on Drag Race? This is not to say anyone looks like a drag queen, to be clear. Just that I'm surprised to see the trope still hanging on after all those people did deer makeup in the pandemic.

Jesse Solomon

I watched an interview earlier this week where Jesse told the interviewer that he wanted to eventually quit Summer House and spend his time as a professional singer-songwriter. I've included a sampling of his music below, alongside this look, to give everyone an estimate of just how close he is to that dream currently. I like that he reinvented being John Mayer if he got his start on Bravo instead of being sold at the checkout counter of a Starbucks.

Jesse and Lindsay

These two walk up to you at the pickleball mixer at the local country club. They invite you to an afters at the poolhouse to play poker and drink some more. What are you doing next?

Images courtesy of Bravo/NBC Universal