Can We Kiss at the 'Summer House' Apology Dune?

This is So Chic, Very Chic, PAPER’s examination of Bravo’s sprawling cohort of fashion obsessives. From haute couture to TJ Maxx, they’ve literally worn it all. We've just got two questions. Is it so chic? Is it very chic?

"Did you hear? We're all meeting at the Summer House apology dune after work to smoke and do drugs and make out."

These are the words I wish I could text my various group chats at 2pm on a Wednesday on a random June afternoon. I think it would, in most ways Wellbutrin hasn't, "fix me." If not fix me, then build new bridges across the neurons damaged by the hell that froze over and emerged as Toronto in late February. At the very least, it would keep me from running naked down Dundas screaming in the face of everyone wearing an Aritzia Super Puff: "I think I'm going to die in this house!"

At least we have Summer House to tide us over as winter drags its wintery claws across our psyches, struggling not to tumble over the cliff into spring. Should Amanda Batula finally read this column like the rest of her castmates, I'd like to personally thank her for the work she is doing humiliating her soon-to-be ex-husband. Stop reading now before this next part — took you long enough! Outside the dissolution of her marriage to a 40-something DJ, there's lots of fresh faces peppering my television screen. They're wearing outfits that I want to talk about, another bonus.

Side note: I finally figured out the thing about West that makes him so (obviously) hot — he looks like a less swagged out Robin Williams. He's certainly leaned into the look this season, and from all of us at PAPER, we approve!

Shall we talk about the rest of them?

Summer House

Amanda Batula

I don't think I've seen a more compelling shot on Summer House, except that time Lindsay sat at a folding table with take-out food on her birthday with that boyfriend who wouldn't make her sandwiches. Back to Amanda on the "apology dune": the wind is in her hair, the wind is in the grass, the wind is all around this very good sweater. The color is just fantastic on her, as are these sunglasses, but what completes the look is the beach hair. The camera people clearly love her too, as they've framed her perfectly in the light, cutting to a wide shortly after this shot where she sits and ponders the meaning of life. Let's use my telepathic powers to peer into her mind and see what prestige television dialogue she's thinking: If Kyle Cooke is all there is to life, then maybe it's time for me to reinvent reality.

Coming down from the high of the apology dune, I wish I could say I loved these confessional looks. I like them well enough; I also "like" lukewarm coffee and sliced almonds in my granola, even though they get stuck between my teeth. But I don't love them, and oh how I want to love them. Regardless, let's cheers Amanda — to finding yourself after a divorce!

I'm not being stupid, right? West Wilson looks like a swagged out Robin Williams. He's like if the dearly missed comedian worked for a sports gambling website, or made the sort of "day in the life" Instagram reels that consisted of matcha lattes and lifting up his arms in the mirror to show how short his shirts are. The first look with the tie is just ridiculous. The backwards hat is even more ridiculous. Thank god!

KJ Dillard

Oh, how happy am I to see KJ in his second confessional look of the season already! As previously noted, I was a big fan of his pink and gray hoodie from the other week. I'm an equally big fan of his also-anachronistic leather jacket and beret. That's right! I think he's in a beret, which is both a very fashionable item and a grossly underutilized accessory in modern men's wardrobes. How charming! KJ, you continue to delight.

Lindsay Hubbard

Back in the real world, Lindsay Hubbard wore the sort of American Apparel dress I used to stuff myself into back in the early 2010s when it was time to show too-old college boys what my body really looked like. The fabric was well known to me then, and a distant stranger to me now. It's also not her color, I think, although this is not a criticism. To be very clear, I could never, and will never, criticize Lindsay Hubbard. She is blameless, perfect and a reality television pioneer.

Let's end on a real compliment: the short hair is really working for her.

My favorite time on Summer House is when all the girls dress up for different parties in the same room. Our girl Bailey (hi, Bailey!) has on a festive summer frock I similarly own, which is perfect for pretending I'm Stevie Nicks with my tits out when the weather climbs above 80. Mia is dressed like a Love Island host, which is scientifically proven to be the hottest a woman can possibly look. The color is similarly gorgeous on her. Bailey is standing at the bar next to Carrie and Miranda in 2001, before the towers fell, when the world seemed a whole lot simpler. Ciara is a Gucci model in 2005, while Lindsay is the hottest single mom who works two jobs. Amanda, meanwhile, is an arts curator with a wife and two Spanish Greyhounds.

God, I want to party with them!

Mia Calabrese

As an aside, can we get one more look at this top and choker Mia has on! Lowkey, I need the track ID. (And check out the guy similarly ogling her in the back. We get it, bud!)

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Erika Jayne

Erika Jayne is doing that very silly thing again this season, where she dresses like a witch in her confessionals and like a Hannah Einbinder character in the real world. As far as the witch ensembles go, this is one of her better looks! The matt black, coffin-tip claws are strange, as is the fabric on this plunging shoulder-padded somehting-or-other. There was occasion for an updo and she chose otherwise, which I deeply respect, as I do this oddly shaped eye crease. It's a bit haunting and funky, two things she does well amidst all those lawsuits.

Then there's the Hannah Einbinder drag (Hi Hannah, we love you.) This polo shirt is about the last thing you'd expect on a woman with leather shoulder pads in her closet, but she really looks quite stunning despite this. Multitudes exist, and she contains all of them. Whatever financial troubles her various legal controversies kicked up have also settled somewhat, as she's back to looking quite glam and bewitching even underneath this stripped button-up from Jenna Lyons-era J. Crew. The side part with the cascade of hair is really quite beautiful. Whatever that cocktail is she's drinking — I'll take two!

Amanda Frances

Has anybody ever loved Selkie dresses and orange-red lipstick and nail colors more than Amanda Frances? I'm unclear if such a thing would even be possible. I'm sure the money fairy she prays too every night told her in a dream that these things would bring her good fortune and glad tidings from the universe. It's probably why she painted her walls green too, isn't it?

Little Miss Stetson

Has anyone flagged as much as Kyle Richards loves to flag, what with her button ups and love of telling everyone she buys cowboy hats in Colorado? This hat is just too much, even for her. Goodbye, Kyle!

Dorit Kemsley and Rachel Zoe

One of my favorite topics in this column is that of "embodied dressers." Simply put: do you wear the clothes, or do the clothes wear you? Here we have Dorit and Rachel Zoe. One of these women looks fully embodied in her style, radiating the sort of chic, vintage glamour she pioneered in the mainstream for over 20 years. The other woman looks like she's attempting to emulating that chic, vintage glamour 20 years later.

Sutton Stracke

I wanted to include Sutton in this week's column because Lisa Rinna said some very nasty things about dear Sutton in her newly released memoir. Well, only one of those women is featured in PAPER every week, and it's certainly not Lisa Rinna!

Images courtesy of NBC Universal/Bravo