‘The Real Housewives of Orange County’ Are Eternal, For Better or Worse

This is So Chic, Very Chic, PAPER’s examination of Bravo’s sprawling cohort of fashion obsessives. From haute couture to TJ Maxx, they’ve literally worn it all. We've just got two questions. Is it so chic? Is it very chic? This week, Joan has been ousted by her daughter in bitch and shade, Taylor Lomax, who reminds her of her own mortality.

2006 was a scary, scary time. Let’s time travel back.

It was the year Nelly Furtado released Loose, but also the year Taylor Hicks won American Idol. Everyone, even Rihanna, was wearing leggings as pants. She wore them at the Kids Choice Awards, an event she would have reasonably been expected to attend at the time. Justin Timberlake was, we hate to say it, changing the fabric of pop music forever with FutureSex/LoveSounds. And despite going on a record-breaking tour supporting her tenth studio album, Madonna was not yet born.

Reality television was still a nascent genre, largely a humiliation ritual typically with some form of competition. Survivor, Idol, and it must be said, The Apprentice, were the thought leaders in the space, captivating a nation in rapid Internet-and Bush-induced social decay. Meanwhile in the scripted world, Desperate Housewives became a phenomenon based on the shocking premise that women can be both glamorous and interior. (Parvati Shallow had not yet gone on Survivor. Also it doesn’t hurt if Marcia Cross, who is still owed an Emmy, goddammit!, is one of those interior but glamorous women.)

So when a panic-stricken Vicki Gunvalson first shrieked that she didn’t wanna get old, people noticed.

It is certainly no secret to readers of this magazine that The Real Housewives of Orange County was a complete shock to the television system, architecting Bravo and most of reality television as we know it today. While Housewives didn’t become Housewives until a bit later (we’d argue the entry of Nene Leakes as the genesis here), RHOC marked the beginning of an empire which continues to experience new peaks two decades after the fact.

Naturally, Bravo rolled out the (green, astroturf) carpet for the occasion, holding a premiere party for RHOC’s landmark twentieth season, notably featuring the return of the OG of the OC, Vicki Gunvalson. She’s also appearing on The Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip: Roaring 20th, a clunky title I will abbreviate to Girls Trip going forward, alongside our cabaret queen Countess Luann. Vicki and her season 20 castmates (more on them later) sat on a panel discussing Housewives’ legacy, the state of reality television, and of course the upcoming season. They were meant to be joined by the season 1 cast, but that ended up only including Jo de la Rosa.

Obviously, we had to infiltrate the function. We infiltrated it so hard that we ended up sitting next to Jennifer Pedranti’s chronic fiance, Ryan, who was watching the World Cup on his phone, until he asked us if we could move down a seat so both Nick and Terry Dubrow had seats. At which point we were sitting next to them.

Anyway the ladies also wore outfits, and they all stopped to chat with us, so let’s not delay the inevitable. Whooping it up!

Emily Simpson

Emily was the first to arrive, wisely choosing a great color for herself in this red. I’m not sure these can really be called “cutouts” given the fabric is woven around these odd windows of skin, but I do know that I hate them. She says her vision tonight was “sexy,” based on wanting to show off her body post-weight loss. (We continue to love her buffness and are grateful for her arms.) Thinking about Housewives’ legacy, she discusses watching the show at work with her now-husband Shane and how surreal it has been now being on it.

Most of the women were exactly how they seem on television, she says, though she notes Kelly Dodd as “shocking.” I don’t really note anything from her during the panel except that she doesn’t watch the show.

Shannon Beador

Continuing not to beat the haunted doll allegations, Shannon picked out this sequined black boucle mini from self-portrait and paired it with Louboutins she immediately admits are too big.

She says she’d initially bought a Valentino dress for the occasion, which based on her description I am guessing is this. Assuming this is correct, I love how herself Shannon is. Vicki talked her out of the Valentino by adding an AI nun’s cornette to the picture and threatening to post a Flying Nun picture. The sequins and the little bows are fun, especially for an event with an outdoor carpet and beautiful LA sunshine to reflect. I like it! Even if she could not walk in the shoes and one of her castmates did say she was the worst dressed.

Tamra Judge

Tamra also opted for a red number with perplexing skin geometry, this one with a Mobius strip incorporated. Also a plunging neckline, whose function is immediately apparent as she approaches, yelling about how great her tits look. Like Emily said, she’s exactly as you expect her, a firecracker of a human who says this was one of five dresses that she got “online” (I do not interrogate further as I do not think she knows more.)

Her vision was “red, fiery, summery,” which I guess this fulfills. I can’t claim to understand what a Tamra Judge summer looks like. Anyway, she immediately tells me I look like her son Spencer and is really rattled by that; I can’t find a photo of him more recent than 2018 and therefore do not know what to do with this information. She carries a lot of the panel; she’s very proud to have the most seasons under her belt, even if Andy would rather do the whole “consecutive” thing to benefit Kyle. She’s the one person to outright (and correctly) call Secret Lives of Mormon Wives a “knockoff show,” and she’s fiercely defensive when the moderator mentions Survivor’s 50 seasons: “they do multiple seasons a year!”

Vicki may be the OG of the OC, but it’s undeniable that there is no RHOC without Tamra, who’s defined so many of the series’ iconic moments. Also, she and Shannon are apparently friends again and talked on the phone for two hours the night before. And she drags Gretchen on the carpet for getting fired. Queen stays queen.

Carmella Garcia

Newbie Carmella says a producer picked out this dress for her, which makes me worry about her edit this season. The heart jewelry is all a lot, and she doesn’t really elaborate on the vision when I ask about it. Also, multiple of her castmates told me she wears skinny jeans this season.

What we know about Carmella is that she was 2004 Playmate of the Year and came in second on WWE Diva Search. She now works for the Oppenheim Group, appearing on an episode of Selling Sunset I have not seen because I gave up on that show long, long ago. I try not to cast too much judgment on newbies, at least at first, and she’s mostly pretty reserved throughout the evening. Just noting that her official bio lists her as a “self-proclaimed ‘girls’ girl.’”

Jennifer Pedant

To Jenn’s credit, she immediately admits she is not much of a fashionista: “I’m like, give me a pair of yoga pants. Why do I have to wear a dress?” She also says she needs to take fashion notes from all her castmates. Self-awareness is so precious and rare in these circles that a win is a win! Unfortunately, I don’t write down anything from her during the panel, but she does describe the upcoming season as “epic,” so we’ll see how that all plays out. She’s very sweet, so please know I feel bad not writing more here and that I really did try.

Jo de la Rosa

Jo is very happy to be at the function. Jo is also very happy to not be wearing a shirt. She is especially proud of the fashion tape preventing a nip slip, and it does not look to be in any danger of budging anytime in the near future.

One imagines her pink blazer still in place, days later. She’s sheepish about the fact that the suit is Zara, despite the fact that Rachel Zoe herself said that it was okay (admittedly to Kyle Richards, which complicates matters.) Whenever she talks about the show, it’s in the third person: “we love her,” she says of past Jo. There’s a lot she regrets about those seasons of TV — showing sideboob in the shower, pairing a pink boa with zebra print as an earnest attempt at sexiness — but it’s with a loving sense of self-deprecation. That is, until Tamra brings up Slade Smiley, at which point a chill comes over the room.

Heather Dubrow

I always found the Other Mother in Coraline so glamorous; largely, that’s due to the natural gay guy tendency toward female villains, but seeing effectively the same look on Heather, I rest my case.

Heather admits she first purchased this Alexandra Mira dress for a “sexy beach trip evening look,” but it’s really fun and fab in this context. She especially loves the collar, as do I. The sheerness didn’t quite show through this much in person, but I do find it hard to look away from in the photo, sorry! She describes her sense of style as “timeless and chic, with a sprinkle of edge and sass,” which is apt if not particularly revelatory. My neighbors during the panel, Terry and Nick, openly talk about their commute from Century City despite the fact that we are at an event for The Real Housewives of Orange County. Adore!

Luann de Lesseps

A moment for our close, personal friend Luann, who went straight from filming Girls Trip confessionals to the reception. Unclear if that means this yellow moment is a confessional look or if it’s another après-ski situation, but regardless this color is fab on her.

Vicki Gunvalson

A vision in gold! Vicki is radiant, and it’s impossible to ignore the obvious star power she embodies so effortlessly (and, seemingly, often against her wishes.) Her demeanor one on one is surprisingly vulnerable, a stark contrast from her larger-than-life presence on the panel. It’s what makes Vicki Vicki — she will tell you that she wants no drama for her return to The Real Housewives, a show on which she invariably attracts and participates in drama, and you believe that she means it. There is, crucially, a core reality grounding the brilliant insanity she presents on television. It’s why she hated being a friend of, a fact she mentioned at least three times during the panel: she can’t help but be utterly magnetic.

Apparently, she genuinely didn’t know about Andy’s orange stunt at Bravocon and thought she was presenting Kandi with the Wifetime Achievement Award. She didn’t have a contract at the time, and the gesture was accompanied with a whispered “just go along with it, we’ll take care of you.”

I’ll leave you with that mental image, and the hope he stays true to his word.

Photo by Todd Williamson/Bravo