They say all is fair in love and war, and as outdated societal norms around sexuality and relationships continue to break down in favor of a more freewheeling approach, the former part of the old proverb rings true more than ever.
Times are changing (thankfully), so how are we supposed to keep up with emerging trends? I spent a few days in Los Angeles covering Red Bull Music Festival LA's Heartbeats concert on V-Day hoping to find answers. Luckily, this femme-inclusive space allowed me access to three women who are spearheading a sexual revolution. I interviewed Trina, CupcakKe, and Junglepussy about their experiences and what's fair (and not) regarding love and sex.
What I admire most about these artists is how bold they are in their sexuality. For centuries, women have been subjected to discrimination for embracing this innate aspect of our true nature. In the modern age, sex and love continue to be centered around male pleasure, with anything threatening it inevitably scrutinized under the patriarchy. No more! Finally, in the midst of this revolution, we are seeing role models for women who are comfortable in their skin, know what they want, and aren't willing to settle for less.
What is the best way for someone to love themselves?
Junglepussy: I feel like the best way to love yourself would have to be taking a shower. That's like the lowest level of self-love. If you have the means, even if you don't like your shower, find the best shower and cleanse your body. It seems so obvious, but actually when you don't shower you feel like a bum. You feel musty and you're okay with it because you're like, "Fuck this! Fuck everything!" When you take a shower it's like true rejuvenation. We have the privilege of running water so please take advantage of it, not everyone has this opportunity. After that, do the rest (grooming). It's taking care of your body, your vessel, this thing that works for you. It's a simple thing. And it feels good.
What is your etiquette for hooking up?
Please wash your hands. You're not touching my vagina without washing your hands. Stop touching women's vaginas with dirty hands! Hygiene. You should be washing your hands regardless as soon as you come inside the house — take off your shoes and wash your hands. Please just do that and then after that anything goes. Well — soap and condoms. That's it. And then we can have FUN!
"I can't even blame people for not wanting to be vulnerable."
How do we navigate dating online?
I'm still navigating it. I'm super open and down to link and connect, but not everyone is as open and down as they seem to be. Everyone seems like, "Oh I'm progressive, I'm down." But they're not. I've used that new voice note feature in the DMs and not everyone is as open to it. I think it's great because you get to hear the tone and the vibe. Some people have just read it and not responded, so I'm like, Y'all are really not down to be vulnerable. With social dating you have to be super vulnerable because one, you're already portraying who you think you are with your profile, two, the other person is too and three, you want to make a genuine connection so you kind of have to let go of the perception of whatever you think you are and whatever you think they are and truly try to connect.
I can't even blame people for not wanting to be vulnerable. We have no studies on this shit. It's all new! Anything goes. You really do see a lot of couples saying, "We've been married for five years. I just slid in his DM's!" So it's literally like a lottery, which is fun. It makes it more exciting, but we're losing our people skills. But there's no turning back. I don't want to be an angry, bitter, old head so I just try to adapt, but I know the most important thing is being vulnerable and showing your true colors. We get so wrapped up in the illusion and the beauty and being perfect.
CupcakKe: Sex is AMAZING. [Laughs] It's everything. I'm about to go have sex now after I take a shower. I look like I got cum all over me but it's just water. I'm sweatin'.
How do you communicate your needs (in bed) with a partner?
I do not communicate. If you do not know how to please a woman, you cannot get in between my legs. Period.
"If you do not know how to please a woman, you cannot get in between my legs. Period."
What makes someone good in bed?
I don't know what makes someone good in bed because I'm not them, but what makes me good in bed is, of course, the tricks I do and how great I suck dick. I put both of the balls in my mouth with the dick... and that's just how it is.
Trina: Love is joy. I believe love is internal; it's an energy that transpires from within. What you put out there, you most definitely will get back. Always try to put out good energy so it will come back to you.
What makes a healthy relationship?
Respect. Trust. I say trust because when you're able to trust somebody, you can get through certain journeys with that person, good and bad. Believe it or not, not everything in a relationship is good. You have to be true to yourself and be real because if you come into that bad path and you're not able to face it, then that's where the problems in the relationship are going to happen. You need to have trust and you need to have respect. If you have those two things, you'll be able to weather the storm.
"Definitely talk about what you want — orgasms — and talk about what pleases you."
Why do you think it's important to talk about the female orgasm?
Because it's life. As females we need to be expressive. We need to be able to express ourselves and what we want. I feel like you don't know exactly who you are until you can completely and truly be upfront. If you have a spouse or loved one you need to be as honest as possible with that person, you know why? This is the reason we have so much infidelity. This is the reason why people go outside their relationship — because they're not happy. They're putting on a facade. Maybe it's because they have kids or they're married, but if you're not happy... hurt people hurt people. So definitely talk about what you want — orgasms — and talk about what pleases you. What makes you happy? What gets you off? The things you like, even the things you don't like! Talk about it all! We aren't mind readers. We need transparency. That way we're both on the same page.