Lydia Night Isn't Moving On

Lydia Night is used to being misunderstood.

Still, that hasn’t stopped her from putting all of her thoughts and feelings — even at their most honest and messiest and churn up more ire from the internet — into her songs.

Night has been touring and making music since she was just 13 years old and is best known as the former frontwoman of California indie-pop outfit The Regrettes. “That’s been interesting … going from child to adult in that same record deal and same band. I was fifteen when I signed.” The band, which was also comprised of drummer Drew Thomsen, bassist Brooke Dickson and guitarist Genessa Gariano parted ways after the release of their third album Furthur Joy. So despite making music her entire life, at 24-years-old, releasing her debut album in some ways felt like starting from scratch.

Released last month, Parody of Pleasure, maintains the same contagious lyrical ethos of Night’s earlier music, but with new stories and perspectives that reflect her shift into young womanhood and full tilt into pop territory. The 24-year-old singer-songwriter, whose band was known for their punk-rock-pop pursuits has no embraced the Gwen Stefani, Madonna and Britney Spears she also grew up on as she pours love stories, heartbreak stories, and coming to terms with life itself stories over delectable pop tracks. She worked with producers Adam Henderson and Alexis Kesselman on the album, pulling out emotion that had her looping between crying, writing and napping. When she finished the hyperpop inspired track “Art Sucks” she’d been working on her debut without even realizing it yet. In “Gutter” she writes playfully about the “cherry lips” of a girl she’s obsessed with. On “Pity Party,” the track the album’s title is lifted from, she digs into self questioning and eternal yearning. Performed at her Baby’s show, the crowd sings every word — bouncing and dancing to self reflections that were once safely between Night and her co-creatives.

Following her sold-out New York City release show at Baby’s All Right, PAPER caught up with Night over wine, cheese and more in the Lower East Side where she got candid about writing about her famous ex, why The Regrettes broke up, and how she pushes against imposter syndrome to embrace the younger version of herself who had no doubt she’d make it.

Let’s talk your debut, Parody of Pleasure. I love talking to artists after the album is out because you get to be an observer and the person who created it. What does it feel like to be on the other side of the album release? Having played two sold-out shows, hearing fans sing your words back to you.

That is the biggest high in the world. It’s also met with the biggest crashes and biggest lows. Today I had such a weird day where I woke up and was like, “Am I bad at what I do?” I think that just a natural thing of “This is out there and now I have to own it.” I do own it and I’m proud at my core but there’s also obviously a part of me ... let’s just get into my biggest trauma [Laughs]. The biggest thing I have to work on with my therapist is my own sense of self-trust, so with putting art out into the world, it’s like “This is great. I believe in this. I believe in this.” Then you put it out and that’s the easiest trigger to be like “Oh wait, am I missing something?” Am I not seeing it? Am I not hearing it how other people hear it? But also at the end of the day, it’s all perspective. Today I woke up, and I must have had a bad dream because when I wake up after a bad dream, I’m just in a weird ass mood. But then I wrote a song that I’m really proud of.

Can we talk about the new song?

Yes. I’m going into the studio a bunch while I’m in New York with Alexis Kesselman who I made the majority of the album with. I was really concerned, I almost cancelled today because I was off and feeling weird about making art. I was like, “How am I going to go in and make something new when I’m reading comments and letting in other opinions?” I’m not going to make something I’m proud of. I needed to shake it off or go on a long walk ... which I did. So I went in today and we’re working now on some songs for the deluxe album. I’m really proud of what we wrote. I’ll play it for you after. We thought we were going to go in a more dark pop direction, and the songs are very sweet, which I’m very into.

Let’s talk more about putting your music out into the world and going from sharing it with people that you trust and who trust you and your artistic direction, to having to hear from everyone who has a streaming service and doesn’t know you.

Oh, but they think they do.

They think they do. And they can compare you and your music to other artists who were not around when you started making the songs that you made. I know you’ve been writing songs since you were really young. So even when someone’s like “Oh, I’m going to compare this to Chappell Roan,” it’s like you can’t, really. Because you’ve had the seeds of these songs forever, they didn’t just start last year.

People forget that you don’t write a song and immediately release it. They forget that intermittent, in-between period. Like this could’ve been written years ago. This is my first solo record, so I think people forget that.

I can complain on your behalf because the first time I wrote about The Regrettes was in 2018, when you were just 17 or 18 I remember loving the band but also specifically loving your songwriting. And it’s still happening. What do you think people misunderstand about you? Because I’m sure it happens in life, too, not just in your music.

So much. People think I’m really confident, and that’s not to say I’m not confident, but I think they think it overpowers a lot. People assume that because I’m bold and have been raised in a way to be strong-willed, forward, and social, that the idea of me experiencing social anxiety is very foreign. Those things aren’t mutually exclusive. You can get pretty creative in the ways that you don’t like yourself. And I do that. People are like “She must feel so good all the time. She’s so happy all the time.” I think it’s a common thing with people in the public eye. I also think I get so much shit for my ex and talking about my ex and poking the bear and rage baiting. The “Girl, move on” comment is one I get pretty regularly.

I’ve never moved on from anything.

First off, no one moves on from shit. Secondly, the context of a four-year relationship that people don’t know details about, except for song lyrics. People take song lyrics like they’re the bible, by the way. They think every lyric has meaning. But you have to be artistic and stretch things and give meaning to things or leave out things. It’s Twitter ... I don’t know how people actually feel. But to read comments that are about that is interesting to me. At the same time, I get it. I rage bait and shit. I poke the bear, because it’s funny. But sometimes it’s not funny. It’s a weird, weird time to be marketing yourself. That’s a big thing.

I have a hard time with anybody being critical of someone for sharing how they actually feel. I’m like, “Are these people not living their lives?”

Do you not get hurt? Do you not get jealous? I am not claiming to handle things, or a breakup, perfectly and if you’re out hear claiming that you do that, please send me tips.

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Please! I’m a 24-year-old girl trying my best. At the same time, I get the criticism. I am kind of incentivizing or playing into things and asking for it a bit, then complaining about it, which is annoying. But on the other side of the coin, I think it’s valid. I have feelings. I’m talking about them on my first album. It was really intense for me. I think I handled everything like a champ.

I have girlfriends who I feel like I’ve beaten so many dead horses with. When we see it in an art form, our brains go “We’re being sold something.” We think it’s a TikToker sharing a storytime. It’s not a storytime.

It’s a fucking record. What am I supposed to do, not talk about one of the most traumatic periods of my life? What the fuck? I mean The Beatles —

They were writing about shit that happened.

Before social media, there was more respect for artists. I think there was distance and mystery which now hardly exists. You know who has it really good, who I’m jealous of and would like to act like? Lots of rappers. They have relationships to their teams and public where they really run the show and can post once and have a cult following. They don’t have to follow the rules. I look at that and I'm like “Goddamn, that’s so cool.” I hope to bring that to my art one day. But right now, I’m at a place where it doesn’t make sense yet for me.

I get so much shit for my ex and talking about my ex and poking the bear and rage baiting. The “Girl, move on” comment is one I get pretty regularly.

Speaking of social media, you’ve been vlogging your touring and creative process with your ‘Pop or Flop’ series. What has been hard, challenging, fun and interesting about making those videos?

I really went into this album super nervous about ideas that come from outside people. I work with a lot of people. To be a technically debuting artist who already has a set of so many people working with me and expectations is really weird and hard. I had to do a lot of work to separate from that. The way I started the record was by lying to everyone and telling them I’m taking a break. Then I went and made some music because I needed everyone to look away so I could make what I wanted.

Who knew that you were making music?

No one. Adam and I. It started with just me and Adam [Henderson]. That process allowed me to look at it and be like, “Ok, I already know that they’re going to have a lot of ideas.” Because I had seen it at the end of The Regrettes. There were lots of trends and ways to promote that record labels look at because they work for lots of people. I wanted to create something and let people into this world, even if it was a small number of people. How do I share the truth and be authentic in this state of the world and music industry? So I presented this idea of, instead of putting out BTS videos later on, presenting how I was feeling in real time.

I think that’s so interesting to me and makes me feel better about what I’m doing. Showing vulnerability in that way … showing how you shoot an album cover or telling them “I feel weird about putting out this album. I feel weird about this relationship.” That’s the truth and that’s what’s funny too. A lot of people come at me on the internet and don’t know that I’ve already said it. Trust me, I’ve clocked it. I know my shitty tendencies and patterns. So that’s where the vlog series was born. I was thinking about how to market myself in a way that feels fun and authentic.

Then Drew Thomsen, my drummer and best friend, he got into videography and editing and all this shit during COVID. He wanted to do all this fun stuff and I loved how he was editing these things for fun that we were making. Drew also acts like my brother. I was going over to my dad’s, getting rid of stuff and we found this old camera. My dad was like “Drew should take it.” And Drew took the camera, so that’s how we’ve been shooting everything. It’s the same camera my dad took my baby videos on. It was very full circle and very real. I’m trying to keep every piece of what I do close to home. [But] it makes it hurt more when people don’t like it.

I can see that feeling more personal. You’ve been making music your whole life. You had all these expectations externally. What were the expectations like internally?

The biggest thing was knowing I had to lock back into younger Lydia. Younger Lydia was a delulu queen who never doubted the fact that I’d make it. I never doubted it. Why not me? I work hard. I’m talented. I’m a good person. I have good karma, why not? Then you deal with all this shit and start believing you don’t deserve it. I got imposter syndrome. Am I missing something? It freaks me the fuck out. Making this record, I wanted to start with the baby steps of it. This was me saying I’m taking a break after the last Regrettes shows. I was sitting in my apartment, it was the first time I was supporting myself fully. I had been living with my boyfriend for four years, and was now paying for my own apartment. We shared animals, everything. It was insane. I was finally feeling this real sense of independence. I was living by myself, I took our cats, I was mama.

I fell in love with Adam, who was my best friend, for a year. He knew my ex too. And there was never anything weird. We love and respect each other as friends. Because that layer was built, we started dating. Right before the last Regrettes shows around November of that year. Going into January, we had built this relationship that was really fun and different from anything I’d experienced. I started writing these songs from my couch. That’s how I started. “Art Sucks” was the first. I wrote a guitar demo and sent it to him. I was like “I think this is good.” And I trust his opinion. He has a solo project that he’s finally putting out.

He’s a secretly crazy good producer and I believe in him so much. I had done so many sessions in the past and had no idea who was going to make this record. There was no intention, but this was my bestfriend, this was my boyfriend, this was the only person I wanted to send a song to about hating my career. I’m not gonna share this with anyone else. He was like “Come over, let’s track it.” We tracked some vocals and guitar, I went to sleep, and I wake up and he’s like “I worked on this till 4 AM.” It was insane. That song, the production, the whole vibe is insane. It’s super hyperpop. It was everything I explained to him as to where I thought it could go. It was that brain chemistry of “You get it. You get this.” It was so different from anything I had made. I was like “Let’s do another one.” We wrote so many songs and I kept camping at his place. It was so fun. I went into my sessions with Alexis so hard. I’d cry. I'd work work work and record, then finish and be like “I need a nap.”

People take song lyrics like they’re the bible, by the way. They think every lyric has meaning.

Do you feel like, with this album, it felt like starting from scratch?

It did. And it still does. I didn’t think that, since I was doing sessions while still being in the band. But when Adam and I started writing, it felt like I was back in my garage as a thirteen-year-old girl. Those sparks and that ease came. I would write these verses; these things would pour out of me. I would just blackout and be like, “Who wrote that?” Then Adam would have done a bunch of production and put it together. I learned so much about producing while working with him. It was so fun. I carried that into when I started working with Alexis on the album more. Every day we did a session, we’d record the whole song, do a scratch vocal take, then another vocal take with room for her to comp before I'd do harmonies or doubles.

What was the moment or song when you realized this was going to be an album?

My plus one for your Baby's All Right show was like, “Gwen Stefani vibes.”

She’s my idol so that’s the biggest compliment. I’ve seen her live so many times. She’s why I’m blonde. I wasn’t about to start this not being blonde. Fuck no. When that song was written, there were so many inspirations for it. Sometimes in The Regrettes, I’d try to channel these things and they wouldn’t click or work. It felt like a really pivotal moment of making a solo album. I started it while on the treadmill at my gym. I went over to Adam’s immediately after. I was singing lyrics and telling him to get on his computer. I was like “Sorry for being a bitch, but we need to get this out now.” Finally, I explained every sound to him and he was like “Oh.” In those earliest songs, I felt so embarrassed. I’d make him leave the room while I’d perform verses. I had never done it on my own. I was so used to letting people in on my lyrics, but on this one I was very protective.

Do you talk about it? Are you comfortable talking about the details of why the band separated?

A lot of people don’t realize that was always ... I was the only one that was actually signed. I don’t care about talking about it now. I was fifteen years old, Warner found me alone and was like “I love the 50 demos you have. I want to sign you and make what you want to make.” Which is amazing. So I formed a band and it was a gray area. They were all older than me, but I was being told I’m their “boss.” I was a child it was very confusing. I wanted them to be in the band and managers told me “no.” I wrote all the music. On later records, sometimes we wrote together. For the last one we wrote together.

I remember interviewing you all for Furthur Joy. You were so adament that everyone got included. I remember that.

I could live another life. Do I want to do that? No. Is being a musician in this day and age really fucking hard? Yes

I saw the dynamics shift.

I didn’t want to abandon it. I’m very loyal. It felt fucked up. That’s not how they were viewing it. Because of the weird, gray area, it made it confusing for everyone involved. It can be messy for everyone. Our team represented all of us, but it was me at the end of the day. They’d fight harder for me, which was fucked, but it’s how the business works. And we’re all so young and trying to get a grasp on what’s standard. Now, not dealing with that is awesome. I get to sit in a room and say how I feel and not be pretending or speaking on behalf of someone else. I’m not feeling sorry for anything. I’m just being myself. The Regrettes, I was still myself, but feeling bad about it a lot of the time.

That’s a hard emotion to be dealing with ... being put in a situation where you’re always apologizing, but not really doing something wrong.

It was so much of “I love you, you know everything about me.” Which is also scary and something I’ve had to sit with. Brooke, Janessa and Drew know so much about me. We aren’t on bad terms, but being on anything rocky makes that scary. It feels like family members who may have weird tastes in their mouth. But again, I get it. This industry is weird. I’m also the point of contact to blame. If people get mad, they go to my website or my lawyer. I represent The Regrettes, so I take the heat. That’s been interesting, going from child to adult in that same record deal and same band. I was fifteen when I signed.

I have no idea what I was doing at fifteen.

I was touring before that. I had signed my record deal and dropped out of high school. That was the delusion. It was like “This is what I’m doing.” And consequences come with that.

Now that you’ve released the album, performed the album, I wonder if there’s a weird feeling of “I fucking did that.” Do you feel that way? Do you resonate with the confident younger version of yourself?

Honestly, no. I should. When you say it out loud, I realize it’s hard. I haven’t had a moment of letting myself breathe and celebrate. I celebrate on a surface level. I go out with my friends and dance and drink. And that’s fun and real for me. In terms of it penetrating a deeper layer of self, I haven’t sat and internalized. That’s why I probably felt so rocky today. I need to spend some time looking in the mirror and realize I’ve done something hard. I’m doing something hard. It’s a tricky mindset. I love comparing. I love shitting on myself for what I’m not doing. What is that for? Who is that for?

Let’s time travel. If you could go back to going on tour, little Lydia, pre Regrettes, knowing you’re supposed to do this, what would you tell her?

The one who believes in herself or doesnt?

Either.

Well, I go back to that girl for advice now. What would she tell me now. I’d tell her “You’re the best you’ve ever been at what you do.” I’d tell her she’s really impressive. In those moments when I was young, yes I was delusional, but I’d tell myself I wasn’t good enough. That’s why I kept getting better. Taking a moment would have been nice. It would have been cool to realize I was cool. I felt talented but not cool. I was around boys shredding on guitar, who were way less successful, my shows were so much bigger. I’d be jealous of them. It’s like, "What the fuck? You’re so much cooler than this box you put yourself in. " At the same time, I wouldn’t change it. It’s part of the journey.

To go back to what you said about the advice your younger self gives you, what’s she telling you now about this new era of yourself and your music?

She’s saying the cheesiest thing of all time: “Don’t give up.” Which is exactly what I need. I get really close. I could. I could live another life. Do I want to do that? No. Is being a musician in this day and age really fucking hard? Yes. Little Lydia would be like “You’re so close, there’s so many things you want to do, don’t stop now.” I look at artists like Sabrina [Carpenter] and Chappell, any modern pop artists. These people have been around forever.

Sabrina has released seven albums. People have no idea how long she's been working.

Exactly. I’ve invested this much time, this much effort, this much money, this much strife in my life. If I’m going to stop, that’s a disservice. Remembering people who come up to me at a show and remind me how important I am to them, that’s enough. Of course I don’t think I’m saving lives, but in those moments, you get reminded. If I can keep doing this and they like it who cares about the other shit. Not everyone can do this. It’s a superpower. This is my superpower. If I were to kill it, it would be sad for a lot of people. And myself.

Photography: Christina Bryson