Nineties nostalgia has been part of the zeitgeist and a major theme across runways for a while now. But what about makeup? Let's be real, the late '90s weren't exactly on point when it came to the art of contouring. Our foundations were a shade lighter, blending was nonexistent, and glitter was a must. Dark times.
Beauty blogger Jaime French remembers it well. In a hilarious five minute clip inspired by a tweet wondering what would have happened had there been beauty bloggers back then, the YouTuber breaks down what a makeup tutorial would've looked like in 1999. "I'm going to get you glam for all occasions, whether it's homeroom or hanging out," she says in the beginning of the video.
If there were beauty YouTubers when I was younger: "Pull hair out of the cap with the hook and bleach. Roll body gl… https://t.co/mEsBZlMqDo— Mommy Cusses (@Mommy Cusses) 1553720709.0
To start, French recommends finding the "cakiest" foundation available — and don't worry about brushes or beauty blenders. "Just apply it with this piece of crap from your mom's bathroom," she says while holding what looks like a spongy ball. "Now what you're gonna do when you get to your jawline is leave a nice little line of demarcation. Don't even worry about blending it."
Skipping concealer and setting powders altogether (because what even are those?) French moves on to adding some blush. "Just tap it on with your fingers. It doesn't even need to be blended. Honestly, don't worry about it," she notes while rubbing on a deep pink and red all across her cheeks.
For the statement eye, "you really want sticky eyelids. Just get the frostiest color that you have, and go all the way up to your eyebrow," she recommends, reminding her viewers to "resist the urge to blend" their makeup. "Like you want harsh lines." Wow, okay, painfully real.
Because apparently no one had any idea what they were doing, French then dabs on a questionable white makeup product that she says to use as a powder. "It'll really make it stick, and will even make it last through PE. Get it up there, girls. like don't stop at the lids."
For the mascara, the blogger throws some serious shade to our ultimate favorite product from then. "We all know Maybelline Great Lash is the best," she says advising to pick a mascara that'll "last a week."
Next up: eyebrows. Sure, feathered and thick eyebrows are all the rage now, but if you were following makeup trends back then, you know that plucking them out till they basically disappeared was the real shit. "Eyebrows are not important at all," she says while drawing a thin brown line across her barely visible brows.
For the ultimate pre-millennium lip, French recommends "lining them with a dark color" and then filling them in with a lighter shade. "Just like, try to make it frosty, you know."
And the magnum opus of the look? Roll on body glitter. "Just shake it and cover your body with it. You really want to get it so it gets crusted to your arm hair. You add some to your eyes, add some to your cheeks," she instructs. Done.
Follow Jaime French on Instagram (@jaimefrench).
Photo via Instagram