Get This Twink a Shirt

While most sensible people are bundling up for freezing temperatures, Timotheé Chalamet is descending on red carpets across the globe without a shirt, freezing his twink ass off.

At the London premiere of his new film Wonka earlier in the week, Mr. Willy sported a candy-colored Tom Ford velvet suit from his Spring 2024 collection. The temperature on the premiere red carpet was roughly 37 degrees Fahrenheit. Somebody get this man a winter coat! I’m sure he’s smiling through the pain as his rock-hard nipples saw holes in the backside of his very expensive blazer.

Shortly after the premiere, Timmy appeared in a photocall alongside his castmates at the Bloomsbury Ballroom, likewise missing any sort of protective covering from the frigid London winds. The photos have since been removed from Getty for some mysterious reason, but thankfully the look has been memorialized on Fashionista. (It's too bad they couldn't wipe his SNL sketches from earlier in the month instead.)

As a mesh top with no bra expert, even in the wintertime, I can sympathize with his inability to not serve lukewarm Berlin vibes in public. (The mesh shirt is also his second Tom Ford pull this week.) That said, there’s nothing worse than the rash I get on my boobs from the abrasive polyester weave! I’d suggest his assistant pick up my personal remedy, Aquaphor, which I keep myself lubed up with through February at the least.

It’d be remiss not to mention that TimTim almost never wears a shirt in public, something he picked up long before Kylie Jenner’s mother sunk her claws into his PR strategies. Just last year, he famously showed up to the 94th Annual Academy Awards with nary a shirt of chest hair in sight.

Of course, it’d be hypocritical to single him out on a red carpet were he not the only one without a proper t-shirt or sport coat. Being famous is, at times, unfair like that. And who’s around to cry when Chanel sends the girls out with mini skirts in November? Still, look at this lineup with his co-stars — jackets and sweaters galore! It’s almost enough to make a jaded observer like myself weep. Hopefully, the recently re-negotiated SAG-AFTRA contract covers dermatologists for dry skin and chaffed nipples.

Photos via Getty