This is What You Missed Last Month (According To Linux), in which nightlife it-girl Linux takes us behind the velvet rope and into the VIP section of Scene-City. Through her extreme (sometimes exaggerated) lens, Linux gives us the tea on what really happened at every party-of-the-century that floods our Instagram feeds. (A note from the author: don’t take what she says too seriously — she’s just a club kid after all).
No other party conquers New York City’s terrain quite like the Met Gala. The aisles of every fabric store in the garment district run bare, akin to the toilet paper shortage of 2020. Fifth Avenue now serves only one purpose: to act as a loading zone for the fleet of Mercedes-Benz Sprinter vans that ferry A-List celebrities to and from both The Carlyle & The Mark — legendary New York hotels that are now merely holding areas for Million Dollar Gowns and the Millionaires that don them.
But today we aren’t talking about the room temperature lamb chops served at the actual Met Gala but rather the bottles of Dom Perignon that are popped after. Throughout the city, every nightclub, restaurant, lounge, and bar throws their Philip Treacy hats in the ring to produce the best possible after party. Few succeed, many fail and all attempt. The week building up to Met Gala Monday has the city buzzing with: Are you going to Beyoncé’s after party or Doja Cat’s? Should we Go to Kim Kardashian’s afters or Naomi Campbell’s? The answer to both those questions is: “Yes, all of them!”
And who am I? I’m Linux, the New York Downtown It-Girl. For years I’ve let the world in on what really happens at the best parties you could only dream of attending; from behind the DJ booth at the most exclusive raves in Berlin to your favorite headliner’s trailer at Coachella. Make a cocktail and get yourself situated, because I’m about to take you on the celebrity-fueled speed round of who and what happened at every single after party that filled your feeds. Hello, New York: Welcome to the First Monday in May.
FKA Twigs’ Afters @ Boom Boom Room
When doing Met Gala Afterparty rounds, everyone knows to start at Boom Boom Room. This year’s Boom afters was hosted by FKA Twigs and Atlantic Records. Upon arriving, I heard a PR girl whisper, “That’s Linux. She’s not on the list, but make sure you let her right in.” Tonight was already off to a great start! I took the infamous Solange vs. Jay-Z Elevator up to the top floor and into Boom Boom Room, which was dressed in florals (for spring? Groundbreaking!) Immediately I was swarmed by BFA photographers who shot countless photos of myself with fellow PAPER cover star and real housewife Jessel Tank. I needed a cocktail, so I helped myself to one at Christian Siriano’s table. I chatted with Coco Rocha about how I am tired of being poor and all my friends being rich, only to realize Jeff Bezos and his fiancée Lauren Sanchez were overhearing the entire thing and probably thought I was hinting for them to give me money. Once I clocked it was them and we made eye contact, they got up and left the party. At the DJ booth I said hi to FKA Twigs before she parted the crowd and began hosting a vogue battle on the dance floor. I stayed for Twigs’ performance before calling my Uber and heading to the next party.
Jean Paul Gaultier Afters @ Sapphire Gentlemen's Club
At the iconic strip club on 60th street, Jean Paul Gaultier and Shayne Oliver threw a party to celebrate their newest collaboration on SSENSE. I politely joined the long line outside only to hear a fierce non-binary with an iPad say, “OMG Linux, you don’t need to wait in line, get your ass in here!” I pumped right in, obviously! Once inside, I said hi to another fellow PAPER cover star and it-girl-who’s-way-cooler-than-me, Uglyworldwide, who was sporting red braids and an “I <3 NY” crop top. She introduced me to JT, who was just about to get on stage and perform her new songs “Okay” and “Alter Ego.” We posed together as The Cobrasnake took our pictures. I kissed the PR girls and headed to the next spot. The night was just beginning!
Usher’s Afters @ the Edition Times Square
No Met Gala is complete without a stop to the Edition Times Square. Usher’s afters there was no exception. I shared an elevator up with Storm Reed (she’s even more stunning in person, if you can believe)! It took everything in my power not to ask her for a photo. If the head of security at Edition has the security camera footage from us kiki-ing together, please send it my way! I was immediately greeted with hot dogs; I helped myself to two. I went out to the patio that overlooks Times Square to find Usher gabbing with Queen Latifa and Michele Lamy as they looked out onto the city’s skyline. Fuck, I love New York! Celeb-spotting aside, the Usher party was way too straight, and Kim Kardashian wasn’t even there! Onward we go!
LUAR Afters
When I heard my bestie Raul Lopez was throwing an afterparty for his brand Luar, I knew I had to go. Me and her go way back. The party took place at the WSA building. I was on my fifth drink and definitely feeling the alcohol, so I headed straight for the dance floor, which was all mirrors. It was there that I shared a dance with so many icons. Omar Apollo grinded on Rauw Alejandro like no one was watching (when everyone was!). At a table I saw PAPER darling Charli XCX gossiping with fashion’s Ludovic de Saint Sernin. Across the room, Kendall Jenner and Bad Bunny shared a dance like two gay besties. When heading to the bathroom, I peeped Lana Del Rey posing for photographs on her way out. Oh, and while we’re here: a round of applause for Lana Del Rey, everyone.
Richie Akiva’s Afterparty @ Casa Cipriani
Ain’t no after party like a Richie Akiva after party. The celebrity magnet invited all of Hollywood to the most southern tip of Manhattan for his party at the infamous Casa Cipriani. Getting in was a nightmare, but the wait was so worth it. I was greeted by sexy tuxedoed cater waiters handing out champagne. Don’t mind if I do! I somehow scammed my way into photos at the Ray Ban-sponsored photo booth with Lizzo and SZA, whose security grabbed the photos and said, “Don’t worry, she’ll make sure you get them.” We both laughed, knowing I will never see those images ever in my life. The music was great, so I went to the DJ booth to see who was spinning to find out it was Kaytranada. Cardi B walked in to a swarm of flashing cameras and bee-lined straight for Doja Cat. The two double-kissed and shared a dance. Out of all the parties this year, this was definitely the cloutiest. Other sightings included Serena Williams and Alton Mason, who were taking selfies with Winnie Harlow. Servers passed around vegan chik’n sandwiches and ice cream, which Lana Del Rey enjoyed as she talked to Fashion Faguette for nearly 45 minutes.
Christian Siriano’s Impromptu Afters @ The Mulberry
Around 4 AM, I got a text from Christian Siriano to come to his club, The Mulberry in SoHo. This was the only Met Gala after party that went after 4 AM (that I know of, at least!) Once inside the basement club, Christian looked me up and down and said, “Oh my god, you still have this crazy hair in?!” I waited forever to use the bathroom, wondering who could possibly be in there taking so long. The door opened and out came Shakira with two friends. After picking my jaw up from the floor and doing a bump in the ladies’ room, I walked back out onto the dancefloor to dance to The Muses, who were DJing, next to Shakira, Chris Hemsworth and Matt Damon. I looked at my phone and saw it was pushing 6 AM. Damn, these bitches can party. I went upstairs to the roof to share a cigarette with Hari Nef and her boyfriend Ludwig Hurtado. As we inhaled our light blue American Spirits and watched the sunrise to the birds chirping, a sense of gratitude came over me. In that moment I knew three things for certain: I love New York; it’s nights like this that make life worth living; and damn was I going to be hungover tomorrow.
Photography: Airik Prince
Graphic design: Angel Rivera
Dress: Max
