This is So Chic, Very Chic, PAPER’s examination of Bravo’s sprawling cohort of fashion obsessives. From haute couture to TJ Maxx, they’ve literally worn it all. Sometimes they stunt, sometimes they turn the look, and sometimes they burn holes in retinas my ophthalmologist says might never heal.
Whitney Houston once said, of being a diva: "It's the attitude. To me it's not...'I think I'm just...Move out my way here I come! Clear the hallway!' It's walking through and saying 'Hello, how are you? I'm so glad you came. Hi darling, how are you doing. I remember you!' You know what I'm saying? That's a diva to me. That's true divaship."
By her metrics, The Real Housewives of Miami have certainly tested posted for a terminal case of the Diva Virus.
The divas and dames of Miami gathered in New York earlier this summer to scream at each other with cameras pointed at themselves. The occasion was the season seven reunion of their hit Peacock show turned Bravo show that resuscitated a long-dead franchise and brought it back from the brink of obscurity. It takes true divaship to pull that off — and some seriously questionable life choices.
Part one of the reunion featured a scandalous outing of cast member Adriana De Moura by longtime friend turned lover turned frenemy turned outright enemy Julia Lemigova. Part two featured more of the same, along with some screaming and some tears, which I've come to expect from my favorite franchise on the network. (That is, until the women have to compete with The Real Housewives of New Jersey once they free those Italians from jail.)
But I've already waxed on enough about the ethical dilemma of outing your coworker in Trump's America. I certainly won't waste much more time talking about it, not when I'm already too distracted by the sequin gowns in front of me. Look, something shiny! And it's being worn by a glamorous woman!
Shall we talk about it?
The Cast of 'The Real Housewives of Miami'
Lisa Hochstein
Lisa is among the best dressed for me at this reunion. Despite not quite being my own taste, the glam and dress and overall presentation of her reunion look is so specifically Lisa — how can we not celebrate it? As I've already said, this powdery blue dress is exquisite, the details of the gold trim only adding to its fabulosity. I love the big hair and the tiny jewels, which provide a nice and necessary contrast for this otherwise dated eye look.
It's nice to see Lisa thriving at what she does best — being a literal glamorous!
Adriana De Moura
Adriana also makes the best dressed list this week for her equally fabulous berry sequins and floral appliqué. It all just works — even the side part, which is nice to see come back in style for ladies who lunch like the Real Housewives. While her eye makeup is a bit too overwhelming, it's saved by the shimmering gold highlight and rosy cheeks. (And my god, what a dress!)
I'd have liked to a bit of tailoring in the bust to stop the bunching we see, but that's just nitpicking for no reason. Kudos, Adriana! You won the reunion, and you won back my heart.
Larsa Pippen
I've been rewatching The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and the hair jewels remind me of those shimmering strands of extensions that used to be popular with Christina Aguilera and also Adrienne Maloof. They look less fabulous here, and more like Larsa just stole a wig off a mermaid. The mesh dress with the rhinestones doesn't help either, nor does her King Kylie beat and otherwise plain accessorizing.
Marysol Patton
Marysol rounds out the trio of best dressed at the reunion, surprising no one. The architectural, almost scale like appearance of this dress lends to her persona as the dragon hoarding jewels, breathing vodka infused fire breath while generally stomping around and acting like a grump.
Really though, it's quite the beautiful gown, even if it would have looked far better against a less visible spray tan — or tightly drawn waterline. Still, let's stick to the facts! Marysol is a ridiculous person and this is a ridiculous dress. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Alexia Nepola
I gasped when Alexia came out in this shocking yellow nothing-burger of a dress. It's just wrong, which I hate to say, considering my consistent cheerleading of her fashion sensibilities all season. The nails and bold lip give her the look of a yassified Ronald McDonald, only because they are such a distinguishing color combo. I wish she'd went with something else. Maybe that dusty pink lipstick Chloé brought back this season. That'd really get the girls talking!
Guerdy Abraira
Guerdy's performance this reunion has genuinely shattered me, as have the clothes. I really root for her, seeing as her fight against cancer was genuinely moving television, as was her early spats with Julia and her all-around performance on the Mexico City trip. But it's been rough for Guerdy this season. It's clear that same fight with cancer has completely unravelled her emotionally.
Between struggling to make it through arguments or parse the cryptic and confusing therapist she's been saddled with, she's also had to defend herself against the war raged by her stylist on her fashion sensibilities. I wish her all the best on the frontlines, but I have to disengage! This dress is inconceivable at a reunion, but god, does her glam look goo!
Julia Lemigova
Had Julia not gone for the wet effect in her hair, I might have liked this look! Sadly, she went for the wet effect in her hair. The dress is otherwise lovely, even with the rinky-dink earrings and overly fussy makeup. I wish her the best next season when Adriana has access to her full arsenal of weaponry, unmoored from the reunion couch and fully on the offensive. Not even Alexia's loud voice or Marysol's cocktail shaker can save her now!
Images courtesy of Bravo/NBC Universal
