For as long as she can remember, writer, comedian, and musician Lane Moore knew she was going to write the book that has officially hit bookstores on Tuesday.
How to Be Alone: If You Want To, And Even If You Don't is a detailed account of growing up loveless that oscillates between the honest and the hilarious, all threaded in the admirable display of vulnerability that can only come from the kind and compassionate heart of Lane Moore. With something for everyone, this book is a must-read for anyone who is still trying to make sense and peace with their history, and offers the hope of triumph, even when it seems like there isn't any hope left to find.
PAPER sat down with the the former Cosmopolitan Sex & Relationships Editor and host of wildly popular comedy show Tinder Live to talk about writing through pain, what it means to be a hopeless romantic in the digital age of dating, and our mutual love of '90s witches, below.
You said that you always knew you would be a comedian/writer/actor/musician. When did you know you wanted to add author?
That was always in the "writer" part of that for sure. I started writing books when I was really little, and continued to write books. I always knew it was something I was going to do one day. There's a story I tell in the book about waiting to talk to all the authors who came to our school, like they were speakers at a seminar, and I was four or five or something. I always had these dreams and was constantly wondering, How do I get there?
What made you want to write this book? I can imagine that this book was at times difficult to write. How did you push through and how did you take care of yourself when some writing days were harder than others?
Oh man, I wish it was only difficult at times! [Laughs] It was difficult every single day. It's still difficult. This book was just indescribably painful to write, to be honest. Because even the funniest stories had such a painful backdrop, or other things I didn't include in this book and will likely include in others were happening at that time, and I'd remember and it would be really hard to sit with. I'm still learning to take care of myself, and be my own support system, so trying to take care of myself while I was going through that alone was like throwing a small child who is learning how to walk and is not great at it into a marathon.
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My first love in college used to reject the idea of defining our relationship -- he wanted the whole no-strings-attached situation -- but would always reblog shit on Tumblr (aka his page was just a slideshow of I'm-sick-of-being-single memes) that completely contradicted what he'd tell me when I tried to put a label on it. As someone who's open about being a hopeless romantic, do you think there's a hopeless romantic in everyone, even if they don't want to admit it?
Man, I really hope so, otherwise it's just me hanging out by myself watching Jim Halpert and crying into bowls of cereal. I don't know, though, I really can't tell if it's something people have evolved past, or if we all, as I hope, actually are still hopeless romantics and it's just less cool to talk about. I genuinely hope this book makes people feel OK with admitting that's what they want and need, if it is.
You write about the beauty and value of Internet friendships in your book. Tell me how those have been, and continue to be, a source of salvation for you.
Oh, it's everything. I have a lot of social anxiety so I don't really hang out with people IRL much, but I love getting encouraging/kind/funny/super sweet Instagram DMs and Twitter DMs from Internet friends who I've known for five years or five minutes. That connection, to me, is so real and so valid, and I've had so little of it for most of my life that every time someone on the Internet is super supportive, or really loves something I wrote, or loves my It Was Romance songs, or my Instagram stories, it genuinely feels like, "FRIENDS! THANK YOU, FRIENDS!"
I think we became Twitter friends when I saw you post about wanting to visit the Charmed manor and now I need to know WHO YOUR FAVORITE SISTER IS AND WHY.
Honestly, my favorite sister is the house. I went back and re-watched it recently and I was like, Hmm, I don't think I relate to any of these women, I just really want a Victorian house full of witch stuff.
What other books do you have in you that you want to see come to fruition? Can you give us a sneak peek at what's to come?
Oh yes, I'd love to. I'm going to write so many romantic comedies, and I can't wait.
Lane Moore is an award-winning comedian, musician, actor, and author of How To Be Alone: If You Want To And Even If You Don't out from Atria Books now. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram.