The past month on the bird app has been nothing short of a Biblical reckoning, and not in the way it usually is.
October ended in fire and brimstone — and we don’t mean Halloween — when Elon Musk sealed the deal to buy all of Twitter. First came the $8 blue check, then the parody account crackdown and the first round of layoffs. Each day the app inches closer to the seventh circle.
Earlier this week, Musk sent out an email asking employees to choose between working “long hours at high intensity” or receiving three months of severance. If they did not consent to these conditions or support his vision for “Twitter 2.0,” Musk would show them the door.
Then another, even more sinister email dropped. Sent to the small remaining team of Twitter engineers, Musk informed employees that “anyone who actually writes software” should reply with a bulleted summary of “what your code commits have achieved in the past 6 months, along with up to 10 screenshots of the most salient lines of code” and meet him at Twitter headquarters at 2:00 PM to recommit to their jobs.
The email followed a form distributed to Twitter employees asking them to indicate their intention to keep working at Twitter. Somewhere between 1,000 and 1,200 Twitter employees did not opt to click “yes," thereby deeming to resign.
It’s unclear how many employees remain at Twitter, but journalists covering the exodus are estimating the company has shrunk by around 88%.
\u201cLets put this into perspective \u2014 at the beginning of this month, Twitter had 7,400 employees. Barely half way through the month, if 75% do actually stick to their decision today, the company will have shrunk by a whopping ~88%.\u201d— Kylie Robison (@Kylie Robison) 1668729032
Perhaps the most salient irony (apart from Musk tweeting and deleting the #RIPTwitter trend) is the way it’s being reported. Journalists, ex-employees and Twitter addicts are congregating in threads and mentions to connect, commiserate and get the inside scoop on the flailing platform from the platform itself. Employees are documenting and reflecting on their final hours on the app in real-time.
\u201c\ud83e\udee1\ud83e\udee1\ud83e\udee1\ud83e\udee1\ud83e\udee1 (Watch the video)\nhttps://t.co/bCkVtfOTYj\u201d— DM of Engineering \ud83c\udfb2 (@DM of Engineering \ud83c\udfb2) 1668725006
\u201cNever thought I\u2019d be anxious to log off in case twitter was gone when i came back lol, but you are all my friends who live in my phone, we\u2019ve been through everything together, i love you just as much as if we\u2019ve been going out for drinks together for years, and i always will. \u2764\ufe0f\u201d— diana thirst \uea00 (@diana thirst \uea00) 1668757989
\u201cWhy I left @twitter or rather why I did not sign up for \u201cextremely hardcore\u201d Twitter 2.0\n\n\ud83e\uddf5\u201d— Peter Clowes (@Peter Clowes) 1668745020
Following the deadline, all office buildings were temporarily closed and badge access was suspended.
While ex-Twitter employees mourn or celebrate their time at the behemoth social media site, avid users are scrambling to get their final tweets off in a doomsday of draft reveals.
\u201cOther people have already done this, but I\u2019d love to see your favorite funny tweets of all time. I\u2019ll start.\u201d— Matt Novak (@Matt Novak) 1668736732
Others have taken the time to confess and repent.
\u201cif twitter really is dying, my confession is that i never noticed the comma in that one pride and prejudice quote, so up until recently i always read it as "you have bewitched me body and me soul" in a leprachaun voice and i never understood how people found that romantic\u201d— Oyin \ud83c\udf31 (@Oyin \ud83c\udf31) 1668776670
It’s unclear whether or not the site will go under — but now’s your chance to say your goodbyes.
\u201cGoodbye twitter. You\u2019ve stunted my mental development since 2009 but it was slay\u201d— Cam\ud83e\udd68 (@Cam\ud83e\udd68) 1668734568
If you’re not ready to part with the most deranged parts of you, here’s how to download your Twitter archive.
Photo courtesy of BFA/ Griffin Lipson