Stanley Tucci is a man. He keeps his head shaved and his shirts tucked in and most people would like to have sex with him. He's not your average Hollywood heartthrob, but his appeal is specific and powerful: the hair on his arms, the fact that Emma Thompson once wanted to marry him.
Once you experience it, you can't go back. If the world wasn't there already there after he played Emma Stone's zaddy in Easy A, the scrappy good-guy lawyer in Spotlight or slow danced with Cher in Burlesque, they are now — thanks to a cocktail tutorial Tucci posted on his charming Instagram yesterday.
"What're you going to make me?" Tucci's wife Felicity Blunt asks at the start of the video (yes, Emily Blunt is his sister-in-law). "A negroni," he says, as if it's obvious. What's obvious, is that Tucci is spending quarantining doting on his wife with fine mixology. A man of taste, Tucci explains that while most people drink negronis on the rocks, they can be "quite nice up." Quite nice.
The rest is pure ASMR. Which is to say, Tucci saying the names of various liquors over soft jazz. "What you want is a double shot with gin. If you don't like gin, you can use vodka," he says. "Just lace it with gin." "Use a good sweet vermouth," he warns later, informing us classless dilettantes that the cheap Martini brand of vermouth is a mistake. "You wanna garnish it with a slice of orange."
If you just want to skip to the money shot, Tucci starts shaking it up, polo-d biceps flexed right at the camera at 1:39, while making cheeky eye contact with Blunt. There's also a nice shot of said biceps when he squeezes the orange. "That's good," he admits, with a little smile taking the first sip. God, it is.
The internet has awakened. Guess being horny on main isn't dead yet.
stanley tucci is hot. as a lesbian i could not affirm this more deeply— abolition in this lifetime (@abolition in this lifetime) 1587475640.0
everybody – literally every single adult human in the world – would fuck stanley tucci and if they say otherwise th… https://t.co/9JAxDfeUrq— Jenna Guillaume⁷ (@Jenna Guillaume⁷) 1587467368.0
not to be horny on main but stanley tucci doing a cocktail masterclass on igtv is the most erotic thing in the world https://t.co/LphyhHHKS8— lucy ford⁷ (@lucy ford⁷) 1587411900.0
Twitter is right, Stanley Tucci *is* the gentleman's Jeff Goldblum, in the sense that he manages to be a charming e… https://t.co/bA5H5yfNjl— Jake Paul Sartre (@Jake Paul Sartre) 1587478978.0
Photo via Getty