So Chic, Very Chic: Scientologists on the Loose
BY
Joan Summers | Nov 14, 2024
I am genuinely dumbstruck that in the worst of all years in recent memory, Bravo thought that the way to endear audiences to its troubled The Real Housewives of New York City reboot would be a prominent Scientology propagandist.
I’m talking about Rebecca Minkoff, a woman who’s already endured just about every variation of joke about TJ Maxx and Nordstrom Rack from her cast and the internet alike. I’ll try another approach then: The only time I ever saw Rebecca Minkoff clothes in the wild was back in the pre-trans tipping point era, on this old-school crossdresser who hid her business casual attire in the trunk of her car. She’d slip into her shake-n-go wig, skirt and blouse on “trucker night” at the local gay watering hole, where I’d go for the cheap beer and trade. Once, I overheard her explaining to a friend that they should invest in a pencil skirt “if you want to look more feminine.” That friend? The back page mistress of a local used car dealership kingpin.
I’m totally kidding of course. Who isn’t kidding, however, is Rebecca Minkoff. No, the woman is deadly serious about spinning a factually untrue story about Scientology, a self-styled “religion” that uses its coveted tax-exempt status to terrorize former members, journalists and random people alike. (Note to the poor, beleaguered Sea Org member tasked with reading this: Hey diva! There are resources on the internet to get you out of the sticky situation you find yourself in.) On the latest episode, when asked about Leah Remini’s searing manifesto Going Clear — a book which kickstarted a wave of deeply disturbing allegations about the "church" — Minkoff coyly informed audience members to pass over its claims.
From the top down, she certainly has the makings of a fascinating Real Housewives side-character. But this isn’t 2009, and the average person is much savvier about how to craft a public narrative, specifically on these shows. The heightened “self-awareness” is something critics frequently cite when bemoaning the current state of the network, and few personify it quite like Minkoff, who commandeered two episodes of plot for a fake story about her orgy-induced pregnancy scare. Better cast talk about actual lies than what her church has been up too! At the least, we can all sleep better knowing she’s significantly less rich than she would be without all those scammy fees Scientology forces on its high level members.
Shall we also talk about the clothes?
The Real Housewives of New York City
Rebecca Minkoff
I half expected this bird to wear her own clothing on television, but she probably knows the clothes don’t have the structural integrity or fashion sensibility to read as anything but discount store clothing on camera. Instead, she wore this. Overall it's a fine outfit but a bit snooze worthy for someone who styles themself a fashion designer. Likewise, I’m confused about the faux sweater paws, the slicked back hair and the overall presentation. More cheap than chic, more basic than bold. Maybe next time, Scientologist!
Brynn Whitfield
I don’t have much to say about this episode itself. The storyline was contrived, the cast stuck at a dodgeball game for half of it, and the rest of the conversations totally meaningless. Likewise, Brynn’s persona began to buckle under the pressures of filming, with her at one point resorting to outright fabrications about her castmates. I almost fell asleep! That said, I quite like her dedication to oversized, overly designed button-up shirts. Like this one! I need it in black.
The Real Housewives of Potomac
Ashley Darby
I haven’t given much love to RHOP this season, mostly because its near-inscrutable drama, as well as its total lack of taste overall. It feels a bit mean-spirited to harp on a beach cover-up, but this out of context screencap personifies my overall feelings about this franchise currently: confused, lost and in need of a big glass of wine at noon. Also, she looks like minor side character in Xena: Warrior Princess in a village that’s about to be burned down by the baddies.
She also debuted a new confessional look. Sad, really. Every time she takes a big swing, she ends up overshooting the mark and smacking herself in the face. This dress could have been a moment, but then she selected the nude lipstick and eye makeup and beige blush and matching earrings and hair gel.
Wendy Osefo
It’s not nice, but I burst out laughing when Wendy showed up in Cosmo, Queen of Melrose drag. I know Cosmo isn’t the inventor of this hat, nor is it the exclusive domain of a very specific type of West Hollywood queen. But it is an objectively funny accessory, paired with that dress, for a 40th birthday celebration in Charlotte, North Carolina.
Karen Huger
Speaking of tacky fashion sensibilities, Karen had to show off just about every piece of jewelry she owned for an 11 a.m. scene with people she doesn’t like very much. The chain bracelet with the stacked rings with the earrings with the layered, two-toned necklaces is all a bit much. That it's for an outing to an Airbnb is frankly laughable!
Mia Thornton
I had to rewind it a few times to catch this look, as Mia is near-unrecognizable. Did the Instagram boutique owners send out a memo about florals this season? We’ve seen this dress, albeit pared down, on another cast member this season, and I think I prefer the muted design over this hokey-pokey craft store collage. I’m sure a massive effort went into it, and I’d hate to belittle the use of glue guns and polyester. Really! It’s an achievement to make something that looks like an unconventional materials challenge on pre-double digits Drag Race.
The Real Housewives of Orange County
I couldn’t be fucked to give these women much more airtime in this column, seeing as they tried my patience at nearly every step this season. But I’d like to extend a genuine olive branch, here in their final hours on television, and say that they’ve never looked better. Yes, even Jennifer in her burnt-orange silk slip, or Tamra in that four-way stretch plum something or other. Gina wore the correct kind of fake Versace. Emily looks radiant in champagne. Heather looks rich and evil. Katie looks beautiful in that color, and Shannon? Well, she makes a lovely bride in white, soon to be married to her own delusion forever. Oh, and I’ve spoken out against embellished trim in the past, but I enjoy how hers turns the boobs into a titty shelf.
Everyone say kudos!
Photos courtesy of Bravo/NBCUniversal
