Justin Bieber Violates Laws of God and Man
Celebrity

Justin Bieber Violates Laws of God and Man

Justin Bieber — husband of Hailey Baldwin, foundational scumbro — used to do lots of scandals. Remember the pre-Purpose time, when he was less into Jesus and more into leaving monkeys in Germany and going to brothels in Rio? Remember when he said Anne Frank "would have been a Belieber?"

There were many Bieber scandals, as is expected from any and all child stars. But while lately most Bieber-related news has focused on his religion, romantic life, and impeccable skater-slash-beach bum look created by beloved celebrity stylist Karla Welch, the Biebs has hit us with a new scandal that beats all of the previous scandals, a red-hot scandalous scandal.

Justin Bieber ate a burrito sideways.

Justin. Bieber. Ate. A. Burrito. Sideways.

We have so many questions. What brought Bieber to this bench, alone with this burrito? Wasn't he nervous it would fall apart, leaving beans and sour cream all over his artfully ripped jeans? Did it fall apart eventually, leaving beans and sour cream all over his artfully ripped jeans?

This form of burrito eating violates all laws of God and man. When you make a burrito, you add in each component horizontally and eat it vertically, so that you get a taste of each burrito filling with every bite. With Bieber's burrito-eating method, he would get a bite of each burrito element — lettuce, meats, tomatoes, etc. — alone, without its friends. This surely leads to both a lap mess and a subpar dining experience.

Why, Biebs? Why?

If anyone has answers, please feel free to contact us.

Update, 10/29:

The above photo of Justin Bieber eating a burrito sideways was actually a staged moment by a content creation team. In short: nothing is real.

Photo via BFA


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