Earlier this month, the R&B star attended a bevy of other famous faces for fashion's biggest night. However, she apparently didn't stay very long and ended up ducking out early after feeling "overwhelmed" by the notoriously high-profile event, at least according to her recent interview for Finish Line Women's Community Voices series.
In honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, SZA — who's long been open about her battle with anxiety — appeared on the sportswear brand's Instagram to talk about how her night started off on the wrong foot thanks to the discomfort and self-consciousness caused by being at such a big event and her look, explaining that she "hated" her outfit: a magenta Vivienne Westwood dress accessorized with a pair of black gloves and a matching hat.
"You want to do your job, you want to show up, and all these people are excited for you to be there, but it's like, 'Damn, I don't feel confident,' or 'I don't feel comfortable,' or it's like, 'Oh, if my dress doesn't fit…,'" as she explained. "And then there's all this weird comparison, and it's really unhealthy."
And while she went on to say how she admires the way "some people like Lizzo can have a really good time regardless of what is happening," her anxiety has always made her feel differently. So rather than remain at the Gala, SZA said she decided to leave as soon as she could, though she obviously wanted to do it without being photographed.
"I snuck out the back as soon as Lenny Kravitz hit the stage because I was feeling very like, 'Whoa, my anxiety's going crazy,'" she recalled. And in fact, she revealed that her desire to remain unseen was so strong that she walked out of the event "with no shoes on" before hailing a cab "three city blocks away," given that she didn't want anyone to see her waiting outside for a car or take pictures.
"I just tiptoed a couple blocks and caught a yellow cab back to my hotel because I was just overwhelmed," she added, before comparing herself to "a little dirty Cinderella running away with my shoes."
Granted, this particular anecdote was only one example of the way her anxiety's affected her, as SZA went on to talk about how the pressure and mean comments caused by her fame have taken an extreme toll on her mental health, especially when she's dealing with people who manage to pinpoint the things she's actually insecure about.
"It's weird sometimes, when your personal thoughts and feelings align with some of the things people say about you. It's hard not to fall into that weird hole of self-loathing," she said, before later clarifying that her "exhaustion" doesn't come from making music but the "expectations, berating, and dehumanizing from outside forces."
"And that shit makes me feel like, 'Why am I doing this?,'" she explained. "Why would I set myself up to be bodied like this on a regular basis?'"
Watch SZA's entire interview below.
Photo via Getty / Jeff Kravitz / FilmMagic
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