The People's Choice Awards: Serve Bob or Die
BYJoan SummersFeb 20, 2024
How does one quantify fame? Perhaps it is the accumulation of wealth through the success of one’s public endeavors, whether on stage or screen, or how many people in a given day recognize someone in public. Maybe, even, true fame lies in a complex algorithm that weighs Instagram followers with engagement, as social media marketing experts would have us believe.
The answer, I’ve found, is simpler. Has one, at any point in their career, walked the blue carpet in feathers and lace at the People’s Choice Awards to the screams of adoring photographers and social media editors? That’s a feeling I’d normally say all the money in the world can’t buy — but here that isn’t true, considering half the show's attendants are reality television stars living in rented mansions.
Stars that stretch the definition of that word showed up in modest numbers for 2024’s most overlooked awards show. In single file they slinked down the carpet, wearing all manner of garish garb and fearsome fashion. Boobs were on display, ostrich feathers littered the floor and publicists left the event covered in glitter and self tanner.
In short, it was my favorite fashion event of the season, and I’ve helpfully collected all the most outrageous looks below.
The cast of Selling Sunset Amanza Smith, Chrishell Stause, Emma Hernan, Chelsea Lazkani, Bre Tiesi and Nicole Young
Words fail me. Literally, I am sitting here on deadline at a total loss for where to begin. Mostly, I’m fixated on a tweet from Dylan Hafer, who pointed out the ubiquity of the Rick Owens Prong dress and its various derivative silhouettes. What an indictment on the post-Mugler bodysuit landscape! With less and less body to reveal as a result, short of flashing our vulvas, stylists and designers have instead worked backwards. The fruits of that labor are the garments on display here, which push the boundaries of acceptable gown construction, molding the female form into comical proportions.
Chrishell is serving bob, and the scalloped edge of her bust is a nice touch. Amanza, meanwhile, defies belief in a bodysuit with draping that exposes the leg and makes it look like toilet paper has caught in her Spanx. It’s been the topic du jour on Twitter, so let me not belabor the point further when Chelsea is dressed like Lucy Liu in Charlie’s Angels. I’ve got nothing quite negative to say about the look, but I do think this is what “office siren” proponents on TikTok think women wear to their corporate jobs.
Natasha Bedingfield
Speaking of serving bob, here’s ol’ Natasha in a Zhivago jumpsuit. It’s a luxury Australian label that purports to be vegan and cruelty-free. I don’t necessarily believe them, because the look is one hundred percent, Grade A pussy. Pocketful of sunshine? More like a truckload of cunt!
Now that the gay demon has been exorcized from my body, let me reiterate that everything about this works for me. The bump at the end of her bob is delicious, as is the texture of this bodysuit. I’m also a fan of the kick flare cut around her shoes, bucking the trend of those aforementioned Mugler catsuits.
The cast of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Kathy Hilton, Annemarie Wiley, Garcelle Beauvais, Kyle Richards, Crystal Kung Minkoff and Erika Jayne
I know in my heart that Kyle and Kathy were separated in this picture by happenstance, but I’ll cling to the belief that they beefed on the carpet. The axis of the world is off when Kyle Richards shepherds that woman through the door of Bravo network headquarters! Thankfully, Kathy is dressed like the ex-wife of a Las Vegas casino kingpin at his fourth wedding to a 20 year old. At least she’s found her purpose on this earth, even if it involves lace pants and a cream crossbody purse.
Meanwhile, this is the best Annemarie has looked since she was introduced to audiences. Garcelle’s dress has also been the fixation of the social media commentariat, even though it’s perfectly serviceable at a D-string marketing gambit by NBC Universal Comcast. I even like it better, knowing she paired it with accessories from Zara.
Kyle, on the other hand, has successfully completed her metamorphosis into Kacey Musgraves, Versace inspired Retrofête mini-dress and all. (Now on sale at fwrd.com for only $575!) I haven’t peeped her tattoos in any of the carpet photos, and wonder if she covered them up for the occasion, or she finally got them lasered off now that her marketing stunt with the country singer has worn thin.
As for Erika Jayne, I’d recognize a David Koma joint anywhere, considering most Housewives have variations of the brand’s offerings in multiple colorways. Here’s to hoping her stylist actually paid for it, and the folks at David Koma don’t find themselves the victims of an (alleged) elaborate credit card fraud scheme.
Ice Spice
I’m glad she’s having fun out there, you know? Sure, just about every single component of this outfit is patently absurd, but isn’t that why people tune in to her music in the first place? It’s as if an outfit styled around that silly mob wife trend got filtered through the Nickelodeon prop closet in 2009 and sold by a teenager on Depop to pay for their Roblox addiction.
From a different angle, I was finally able to suss out what’s happening underneath the robe: a panty, bustier, and tights that don’t match. I’m not sure if they even make them, but the whole thing would have coalesced a bit better if the base layer was a full body mesh leopard catsuit, like those iconic Alaia designs that have since been ripped apart by the trend cycle.
That said, I don’t want anyone involved to stop what they’re doing. In fact, I want them to continue to experiment until I’ve fully descended into madness, at which point my editor will find me scratching the paint off my walls and eating the flakes like cereal.
Photos courtesy of Todd Williamson, Trae Patton, Mark Von Holden, NBCUniversal
