Valentine's Day is deceptive. When represented in pop culture, the holiday is generally treated as the most dramatic of the year, apt to cause either elation or deep misery. Apparently it's hell for singletons and rife with pressure for the coupled, a day of the highest highs and lowest lows. It was much nicer in elementary school, when everyone just got cards and candy.
In my opinion, V-Day is just not that exciting either way. Expressing love is nice and getting flowers is great, but it's a bit of a bummer when it has to be prescriptive. And while feeling left out of relationship goodies is sad, that feeling is more apt to creep on me on literally any regular day. The holiday is sort of... meh?
I have had exactly one truly fantastic Valentine's Day and one absolutely abysmal one, when a juice maker stuck his tongue in my ear at a club in Bushwick and I ran out so quickly that I forgot my wallet and had to walk home alone for four miles in the snow, as rideshare apps had yet to be invented. That was rough. But in general it's ok!
NYFW has just ended, meaning I suddenly have free time to parse through the looks and consider a fashionable future. And also Valentine's Day! So here are our picks for every conceivable Valentine's Day mood. And while it's not from this season, know that Rihanna's Saint Laurent heart coat is simply the ultimate Valentine's flex. Even though she wore it in September.
If You Have Taken a Vow of Celibacy
Graham Tyler
Dating is horrible! Even these amorous tortoises couldn't make it work. But getting thyself to a nunnery doesn't mean you have to give up style. Lines like Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen's The Row and newcomer Graham Tyler embrace modesty and take inspiration from religious garb. And if you're into Courtney Love and/or Laura Ingalls Wilder, throw in some Batsheva.
If You Have a 'Hot Date'
Helmut Lang
Ah yes you, the most reviled of Valentine's Day revelers. I mean, good for you. Just remember to do as Dan Savage suggests and "f*** first," as no one feels sexy after going to dinner and drinking and consuming dairy. Except you might still feel sexy in these. And absolutely anything from Area.
If You Are a Rich Widow Whose Husband Died Under Mysterious Circumstances
Marc Jacobs
I'm so sorry to hear that your esteemed spouse Prentis Rupert Pemberton IV fell down the stairs. What a horrible accident. Oh, you're ready to get back out there? Try these. Perhaps sew in a pill pocket.
If You Are Going to Watch a Movie and Binge Eat
CDLM
Good activity choice, but please don't make it a rom-com. It's not the '50s. You don't have to be sad. And no disrespect to the legend Tonne Goodman! That cape just looks really comfortable.
If You Are Going OUT
LaQuan Smith
Honestly who cares that it's Valentine's Day, please just have a fabulous time.
If You Are Quite Literally a Child
Vaquera
Valentine's Day is best for kids! Compulsory cards! Candy! Hugs! I miss my youth.
If You Are a Fuckboy With Multiple Dates
Nanushka
You have a lot of options. Fashion is for you. The world is for you! You take everything!
If You Are Going to Just Be Naked
A symbolic blank slideshow.
Photos courtesy of Imaxtree / Graham Tyler lookbook courtesy Graham Tyler