Break the Internet ®
5 Celebrity Couples We'd Love to See Link Up
Story by Robyn Delmonte (@GirlBossTown) / Illustrations by Austin Call (@Duhrivative)
14 February 2022
@GirlBossTown (AKA Robyn Delmonte) has become a viral voice of authority on TikTok, where she refers to herself as the "Internet's Agent" and proposes mastermind PR plans for celebrities and companies. As an expert in connecting the dots across pop culture, PAPER asked her to play fantasy matchmaker and put together five dream couples for Valentine's Day.
Dating apps are so 2016. When I'm swiping right on men who would rather watch Succession and talk to their exes, I lose all hope. At this point, I might even consider saying "maybe" if Tristan's third trimester Thompson came around. Instead of dwelling on my current dating status, I chose to focus on "Metaverse," AKA a world in which all my favorite celebrities are dating each other. Here are those couples:
Have you ever seen Aquaman organize a jar of Oreos? I haven't either, but I really want to. Khloe needs a real man, who doesn't follow IG models online or in real life, and by definition that only means one thing: Jason Momoa. He is a father on his own, which is important to Khlomoney, but is also extremely hot, which is equally as important. These two would be a power couple and might finally get Khloe invited to the Met Gala. Fingers and Aquaman fins crossed.
Have you ever witnessed two people from your high school start to date in their mid-20s, and it's so wrong, but so right? That is what I see when I think of the Lord and Miley leaving Nobu together hand-in-hand at valet. Miley is very different from Scott's normal type, AKA SugarBearHair modeling IG agency candidates. However, she is fun and spontaneous, while most importantly drop dead gorgeous and over the age of 24, which the Lord needs. The true testament of their relationship will be when Miley attends the Kardashian Christmas party and sings "Silent Night" with True and Cory.
"You want me / I want you, baby," which is exactly what every single female in the US says on Sunday watching Fezco beat the shit out of Nate Jacobs. However, the real question is who is going to land Angus in real life? I think there is only one answer to that question: Dula Peep. Angus might not buy all of Dua friends' Birkins post-Lucien bday dinner like Julye, however, they have just as much star potential. From Fashion Week to Cannes, this couple would elevate each other's careers and I can even see a Rolling Stone cover in their future.
What's the golden rule? Sometimes hot people end up with hot people. Ok, maybe that's not the golden rule, but it might be the case when Tyler Cameron and Madelyn Cline end up together after the Vanity Fair post-Oscars party. Tyler would fit in perfectly in Charleston onset visiting the OBX set and making friends with ex John B. I think Tyler is a genuine guy and doesn't just "love the idea of me or being seen with me." He is no Topper. Overall, I can see this couple lasting a couple fashion weeks and premieres, but ultimately end by posting a screenshot of the notes app.
A wise man once said, "Red lights, stop signs... I still see my handprint on her ass cheek." If Gen Z and TikTok could play cupid, this couple would be the results. We all know Olivia Rodrigo put out an album Sour and rumored follow-up Sweet, but after this relationship I can see an album, called Spicy. I can see the Coachella pics now, along with them making the song of the summer.
Illustrations: Austin Call (@duhrivative)