Cardi B Misses the Dick

Cardi B Misses the Dick

We know Cardi B has zero interest in taking Offset's lyin', uncareful ass back, but she is being honest that, yeah... the dick was great.

Perhaps inspired by Miley Cyrus and Lili Reinhart's recent affirmation their dudes' good dick game, Cardi B took to Instagram Live to mourn the one thing she's missing about her marriage.

The rapper joked: "Oh my god, oh my god, my gag reflexes are leaving 'cause I haven't sucked dick in such a long time."

"I miss the D... 'boutta relapse and call this n****r," Cardi continued, sighing and staring wistfully into the distance before lovingly describing Offset's dick in vivid detail between sips of coffee.

"I want it. In my throat. Inside of me. Demolishing me. Destroying me — oh shit, I need more coffee," she whispered Gollum-like in a voice that prompted fans viewing the live stream to suggest she take up ASMR.

You might think it's odd to blow off an ex's grand gesture, then go online and wax poetic about his dick... but you'd be wrong! That shit makes perfect sense. Offset's stunt was lame as hell, but you can still miss a great lay that you don't have to go out and find.

Hm, do we think Cardi B will give in to her to cravings for Offset's allegedly gorgeous dick? Nah, we predict she'll stay strong. Dick is abundant and you know Cardi can get it, in the immortal words of Shakira, whenever and wherever.

Photo via BFA