Nobody Asked for This Winnie-The-Pooh

Nobody Asked for This Winnie-The-Pooh

by Camille Bavera

The one comfort we thought we had, living deep in the Hundred Acre Wood, has gone feral — and viral for that matter. Winnie-the-Pooh and friends have recently wandered off the pages of A.A. Milne’s magical children’s books and into our less-than-sunny universe. Abandoned by their now-college bound pal Christopher Robin, the anthropomorphic crew is starved for attention and out for blood.

Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey tells the story of what happens when Pooh and his sidekick Piglet are left to fend for themselves (spoiler: they become cold-blooded murderers). Returning to their animalistic roots, Piglet grows tusks and Pooh’s waxy mask-like features look like something you might wear to rob a bank. They also become oddly buff to the point where Piglet is able to hog-tie and hold a woman down with little resistance.

Director Rhys Frake-Waterfeld told Variety the two creatures are “no longer tame: they’re like a vicious bear and pig who want to go around and try and find prey,” which includes a bikini-wearing babe in a hot tub that Winnie chloroforms, ties up and runs over with his sedan. The real question here isn’t even the why, so much as the “how” he suddenly has the ability to drive a car.

The film was shot over the course of just 10 days near the Ashdown Forest, where Milne derived his original inspiration for the series. The premise alone gives the impression of a slapstick comedy mixed with jump-scare horror, to which Frake-Waterfeld said watchers “shouldn’t be expecting this to be a Hollywood-level production,” and that his editing team plans to expedite the film’s post-production due to a high level of media attention and to quell the uneasy feelings we all have about our favorite bear gone rogue.

Production for the film wrapped in early May, with the first stills making quite an entrance on the internet this week. Disney fans and film critics alike have since joined the conversation about what this means for a beloved children’s icon and if the next time we see Pooh he’ll be off this killing spree and back in a happier place. It’s not safe for anyone here. Oh, bother.

Photo via Getty/ Michael Buckner

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