A Quarantine Love Letter to Nighthawk Black

Starting the first day of isolation, Miller began creating hilarious puppet videos (50 to date) featuring pop songs from stars like Sam Smith and Ariana Grande, who both shared his performances on their Instagrams.

For PAPER's month-long comedy series, It's Nice to Laugh, we've asked Miller to write love letters to all the things getting him through quarantine. The first installment of With Love is an ode to Nighthawk Black.

My dearest Nighthawk Black,

To the civilian eye you are just a box of wine. You hail from the house of Bota, a well-known and well-respected family. They call you a "rich, red wine blend," say you're "reasonably priced," and label you "bold, dark, and jammy." Though these things may be true, they are merely scratches on the surface of who you are — of who I know you to be. You (wrongfully) sit atop dusty shelves squished between double bottles of Cupcake Pinot Grigio when you should be sitting on, oh I don't know, a throne? Without complaint, you wait patiently for a suitor who understands the power you conceal to come and sweep you off your feet.

To quote Joni Mitchell, "I could drink a case of you, Darling." I'm not going to lie though, unlike Ms. Mitchell I would certainly not "still be on my feet" but I would be (mostly) fine. I couldn't like, drive, but I could DM one of my 40 crushes or do a split (on my left side, of course). To err on the side of caution I stick to a glass... or two or eight, but honey I don't mind! A glass of you is like a glass of courage, confidence, and class all swirled and twirled into one. A glass of you is like flirting with someone who (for once) decides to flirt back. And a glass of you is like finding the perfect video on Pornhub with your very first click (I'm talking story, size, body hair, all of it).

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In this day and age we are often faced with rules and regulations on how to enjoy wine but, much like emails from Walgreens, I choose not to subscribe. For me, the ways to enjoy you are endless. You pair effortlessly with cheap pad thai and season 2 of Glee. No wine glass? No problem! A mug of you is the perfect companion for sitting on my porch and watching my neighbors do things like build sheds and love their families. I've even dabbled with pouring you, a red wine, over ice. Now, we all know a few girls who would have some negative things to say about that but, in a gorgeous way, I don't care.

What I care about is you, Nighthawk. You are the light in the darkness, the clearance rack in a suburban T.J.Maxx, the top on a dance floor filled with hungry bottoms. After a long day of not working you are the one who catches me when I fall. You are a shoulder to cry on and a mother's kiss goodnight. You are my quarantine lover and life-long companion. I will, I promise, remember you always.

With love,
Marty

Follow Marty Miller on Instagram (@itsmartymiller).

Photo courtesy of Marty Miller