This article is a sponsored collaboration between LELO and PAPER

So much of this year has been about survival. From worrying about the health of my family and myself, to working hard to keep my job, to trying to remember the basics of self-care, like cooking myself meals and taking time to exercise — there hasn't been much time, if any, for me to enjoy myself.

That's why when I found my schedule open on a particularly beautiful fall weekend, I decided to spend a day entirely in pursuit of my own pleasure. And I know I want an incredible orgasm to be part of it.

Luckily, I just bought the LELO Soraya Wave rabbit vibrator, and it's all charged up and ready for me to try it out. I already loved LELO's sex toys, but was excited by the company mission as a sexual wellness brand. LELO cares about educating people about their bodies and sexualities, and making sure pleasure and sex isn't male-centric. They believe pleasure should have no gender and each one of our orgasms are equally important. That's a message I can get behind. Plus, the LELO Soraya Wave is made to stimulate a lover's sensitive touch, with two tips to massage your G-spot and stimulate your clitoris at the same time to give you a tidal-wave climax that crashes over you again, and again and again. Yes, that's exactly what I need.

I wake on Saturday morning to the sound of birds chirping outside my window, light creeping in. My bed feels luxuriously warm as a bit of the season's chill wafts in from my open window. I make myself a coffee with my French press — with some of my favorite vanilla creamer — and burrow back into the warm sheets. I journal for a half hour about my week, detailing the moments that did bring me joy: Having coffee with a friend in the park; opening a super soft pajama set I bought online; watching a stunning rose and lilac sunset descend over the city. I think about reading the newspaper, then decide, no, not today. Instead I reached for a novel I hadn't touched since May and read a couple of chapters in the morning stillness.

I reluctantly leave bed and bundle up for a long walk. I'm thankful for the brilliant fall we're having this year, weeks of pleasant weather, perfect for visiting apple orchards and sipping cider, or at least dreaming of doing those things. As I walk toward the park, I can see the trees shining, brilliant hues of sienna and mustard and burgundy. The fallen leaves crunch underfoot as I walk past the lake where dozens of geese and swans bathe and honk, alive in the crisp air. I make my way to a nearby cemetery and wander through, stopping to glance at headstones with descriptions like "Loved all and loved by all." I walk back through one of my favorite neighborhoods and smile at all of the spooky decorations — giant skeletons and inflatable spiders and sprawling webs. Even this year, the spirit of the season and people's desire to be playful shines through.

I stop for a late lunch to have a Hot Toddy and butternut squash soup on my favorite restaurant's patio. I people watch, everyone bustling by to do their weekend chores, kids kicking up the leaves. I read a couple more chapters of my novel, feeling very at peace.

I watch a couple nearby flirt and kiss before they wander off holding hands. I haven't had sex in a long time and lately I've been missing it. I realize just how horny I am. I think of the LELO Soraya Wave waiting for me at home and I feel a rush of excitement. It's time to try it out! I pay my check and hurry home.

At home, I light a candle and undress, touching myself in front of the mirror. I grab the LELO Soraya Wave, the silicone soft as butter to the touch. It's also fully waterproof, meaning I can use it in the bathtub (a favorite weekend activity of mine) and easily clean it.

In the past, penetrative sex hasn't been all that exciting for me, as far as actually cumming. It's always been a side order to the main course of oral sex, where I can safely bet I'll cum and cum hard (as long as whoever I'm with knows what they're doing).

But the Soraya Wave can do what no dick, finger or dildo can. The vibrations erupt and spread through your pelvis while the toe-curling WaveMotion Technology massages your G-spot. It feels like you're being stimulated from your very core, from somewhere close to heaven. At the same time, the external stimulator vibrates to play with your clitoris. The combination feels overwhelming, in the best way. Plus there are multiple speed and vibration settings so you can set it to suit your mood, and build up slowly to an intense orgasm.

I start off slow, imagining a lover's fingers gently caressing me. I love to get fingered, love to hold someone close as they play with my clitoris, slowly turning me on, as I'm able to look into their eyes or moan in their ear. I turn the vibration down and set the Soraya Wave so only the clit massager is active. I rub it around my clit, slowly, teasing myself, until I feel turned on enough to want more.

I grab a little lube, rub it on the Soraya Wave, and slip it inside of me, so it curves up toward my heart. I switch the setting so it starts to move back and forth inside of me at a slow pace. I play around with the settings so it's also sending out a heavy vibration. The feeling is so new and unique to me but hot as hell — like an orgasm slowly blooming inside of me. I turn up the vibration's intensity and start to moan hard. I'm not used to being stimulated in so many ways at once and it feels unbelievably good.

I roll over and sit up on my knees, enjoying how the sensations feel different in different positions. I put a pillow between my legs and imagine riding a partner, and decide that this is how I want to cum. I turn the LELO Soraya Wave up to its full intensity and grip my headboard as I cum — hard and loud — amazed at how this toy makes me feel. I turn the intensity down and give myself a moment to rest, then make myself cum a few more times, loving how hard and then gentle the LELO Soraya Wave can be.

After I'm fully satisfied, I clean the vibrator and put it away, so grateful it's come into my life. I throw myself on the couch and watch Hocus Pocus before falling into bed, a day of deeply personal pleasures behind me. I feel restored.

Head to lelo.com/soraya-wave to learn more about LELO's Soraya Wave and take your pleasure into your own hands today.

Photos courtesy of LELO

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