Sunday night, America's Shibutani twins absolutely owned the Olympics ice dancing competition. Unfortunately, their mambo-inspired moves and Coldplay medley only earned them the bronze. Maybe they would've been bumped up a place if they had chosen one of our personal picks. Shib Twins, please consider the songs we would've ice danced to if given the chance.
1. "Heart Of Glass" - Blondie
Catch me in a sequin-covered get-up skating solo to this gem. Cue the shimmies and dramatic spotlight.
2. "Move Your Feet" - Junior Senior
I'm genuinely surprised nobody has skated to this stupidly catchy jam. I don't think I've seen anyone do the cabbage patch for an Olympic ice dance, but this song definitely calls for it.
3. "The Battle Is Over" - Jenny Hval
A slow-starting routine rooted in feminist theory... and ballet! I see a free-bleeding female skater for this modern ice dance.
4. "Oblivion" - Grimes
This heavenly number would make a cute backing track for my ice princess meets manic pixie dreams.
5. "Once In A Lifetime" - Talking Heads
Why yes, I will be wearing a giant suit for this performance, thank you for asking.
6. "Uh Huh" - Julia Michaels
IMAGINE landing an axel jump to that first "uh huh." Fierce.
7. "Id Engager" - of Montreal
Disco. Drama. Funk. On Ice!
8. "Joga" - Björk
An appropriately icy and emotive song. Although, you run the risk of becoming overpowered and immobilized by Björk crooning over the Icelandic String Octet.
9. "Teenage Witch" - John Maus
This fairytale alien synth is best accompanied by prismatic sparkles and a witch hat. And maybe a mask. And a fog machine. Carve a portal with your skates and disappear.
10. "Big Beautiful Blue Sky" - Ought
Let's hear it for angst, apathy, and ICE SKATING! Envision a lightly interpretive, deeply impassioned dance, similar to the one in this video.
11. "Can't Get You Out Of My Head" - Kylie Minogue
My partner and I will recreate the very groovy, robo-sexual dance in this video, wearing the same costumes, for our olympic routine.
12. "Heads Will Roll" - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
I will sever the judges' heads with the blades on my skates, standing out from my competitors and guaranteeing my rightful spot on top. Give 'em the old razzle dazzle!
13. "Augustine" - Blood Orange
Poetic and jazzy. To be honest, Dev Hynes should just put on a pair of ice skates and put his moves to work. Add in a triple salchow and we've got a gold medalist.
14. "One More Time" - Daft Punk
A Daft Punk robot head is recommended for this non-ironic skate, once a popular soundtrack for graduations and bar mitzvahs alike.
Photo via YouTube