Why Can't Male Celebrities Feed Themselves?

Why Can't Male Celebrities Feed Themselves?

Famous men are having a hard time in quarantine. We were recently treated to Robert Pattinson's concerning kitchen habits via his GQ cover story, during which he tried to create a microwaved, sugar-encased "handheld" pasta. He described some of his favorite meals: "I'll have oatmeal with, like, vanilla protein powder on it. And I will barely even mix it up... I eat out of cans and stuff. I'll literally put Tabasco inside a tuna can and just eat it out of the can."

His friend and The King co-star Timothée Chalamet is faring no better. Without his Tompkins Square bacon, egg and cheese, Chalamet appears to be subsisting on honey, Triscuits and Kraft macaroni and cheese. He shared a blurry, captionless photo of his pantry yesterday. One fan aptly commented: "YESSS GIVE US NOTHING KINGGGG." Others have grown worried for his nutrition and mental health.

It's understandable that Timothée might be having trouble putting the effort in. He put a huge year on hold when COVID-19 shut down the entertainment industry: the debuts of Dune, The French Dispatch, Find Me and his London theatre debut 4,000 Miles are postponed indefinitely. He also recently ended things with his girlfriend, Lily Rose-Depp.

Why can't these high-cheekboned male celebrities bother themselves to order takeout? It's possible that teen stars like Timo and Rob have never actually learned how to cook. Their parents passed off meal duties to agents, publicists and craft services. Now here's a show I'd watch: mixologist extraordinaire Stanley Tucci teaches Robert Pattinson and Timothée Chalamet how to cook. Just saying, Hollywood.

Photos via Instagram