We started this column because we love Britney Spears and her enduring influence on pop culture and duh, society. But also because we, like all of you (don't lie), are forever obsessed with what the eff Our Queen of Pop, Godney, the Holy Spearit is doing on her Instagram.
Naysayers have long tried to bemoan Britney's "lack of creative control," and have attempted to prove how that allegation affects her career, and even her personal life. Say what you will about that (we're of the humble opinion that at this stage of the game, Britney signs all the checks, okurrrt?).
But honestly, Britney's Instagram feed is one aspect of her life that feels as free and open as she used to be in interviews before 2007. It is an avenue of virtually unfiltered creative freedom featuring her favorite mini-dresses, workout videos, kooky Snapchat filters, inspirational quotes, and classic #TBTs of Britney's most iconic moments, and so much more — all of which capture, in real time, the essence of Britney's mega-wattage, which will never dim.
For real, though: Britney truly doesn't owe us anything, and yet, through her Instagram feed, we see the change we want be in the world. Truly, it's a work of art. Let's take a tour, shall we?
Because I am a proud Britneyologist and know pretty much every song she's ever thought to utter via nasally baby coo or otherwise, this reminds me of a little-known B-side from 2001's Britney called "When I Found You." The lyrics to the spacey love anthem, full of bleeps and bloops and cutesy twinkling and musings on the discovery of love anew, go something like: "I found a perfect place in heaven/ Yes in you, I found a perfect place in heaven/ oOOOOOooo/ All my dreams did come true/I found myself when I found you."
You're welcome for that evocative aural picture. Now, look at this physical one and tell me you don't feel the resonance of Britney's (Max Martin's? Who was her writer at the time?) poignant lyrics. Also I highly doubt Britney didn't know her sweetie was coming to Miami, but I'm not them as much as I might want to be so what do I even know.
Wait, was this in Miami? Geotagging would help, but duh, privacy and edamame are basically the same thing. Who is the staff photographer following them on their date? Do you think it was their waiter who took this photo? Do you think the waiter also had to sign NDAs? Is the waiter still alive. Kidding, but that might also explain why the geotag isn't on. Also she's famous, what am I thinking. Also I want Britney's outfit, not kidding.
Okay, so that dinner was in Miami. Thank you. And here is the full look and twirl. This would've been perfect with music. Maybe the Mary Tyler Moore theme song? Maybe "Breathe On Me,"circa In the Zone? Too much. Speaking of that album, I was in a shop looking for shoes that looked almost exactly like these and someone played "(I Got That) Boom Boom," her strange collaboration on Zone with the Ying Yang Twins. Needless to say, I did not get the shoes. I suddenly remembered that I was sunburnt and so I went to take a cold shower because I don't have a swimming pool but someday I will.