Ahead of the premiere of her My Mind & Medocumentary, the 30-year-old star sat down with Rolling Stone for a candid talk about battling bipolar disorder, seeking help from four different treatment centers and how she contemplated suicide for years.
"I think when I started hitting my early twenties is when it started to get really dark, when I started to feel like I was not in control of what I was feeling, whether that was really great or really bad," Gomez recalled, explaining that she'd waffle between manic highs and long depressive spells where she'd spend "weeks" in bed.
"It would start with depression, then it would go into isolation," she said. "Then it just was me not being able to move from my bed. I didn't want anyone to talk to me."
However, combined with her attempts to shed her Disney image, a debilitating lupus diagnosis and trying to reconcile her expectations for the future with reality, the "Lose You to Love Me" singer found herself feeling lost and sought treatment for anxiety, panic attacks and depression.
"I thought the world would be better if I wasn't there," she said of the suicidal ideation that accompanied this dark time. And even though she was eventually able to receive a diagnosis and treatment for her bipolar, Gomez said she continued to struggle due to medications that made her feel like she "was gone" and had to detox from certain ones in order to return to center.
That said, Gomez went on to end things on a more hopeful note by talking about prioritizing her mental health and getting to a point where she finally feels equipped to help others, whether it be through things like her Wondermind media platform, Rare Impact initiatives or even this documentary.
"I know it has a big message, but am I the right person to bring it to light?" as Gomez said. "I don't know. I wanted someone to say, ‘Selena, this is too intense.' But everyone was like, ‘I'm really moved.'"
My Mind & Me premieres on November 4 via Apple TV+. Until then, you can read Gomez's interview with Rolling Stone here.
If you or someone you know is in need of help, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
Photo via Shutterstock / BAKOUNINE
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