Dear brothers, sisters and fellow nonbinary members of the queer persuasion, it is with a heavy heart that we must report: after years of covert indoctrination and cultural insurgency, the straights have — at long last — caught onto our masterplan. They've uncovered our grand scheme to turn everyone gay and eradicate the straight menace once and for all. Our glorious rainbow vision of a future where there's drag queens in every classroom, Queer Eye is required viewing, gendered bathrooms are abolished and everyone's pronouns are mandated by law to be tattoo'd across their knuckles is simply no longer possible now that the heterosexuals have learned about our plans to make them go extinct. That's it folks, it's over. Mission failed.
If the thick layer of sarcasm wasn't already an indication, the latest flare up of overblown gay panic comes courtesy of Georgia Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene who in her latest episode of her MTG: Live broadcast claimed that straight people are going extinct. A clip from the broadcast is currently making the rounds on social media where the recently re-elected lawmaker fear-mongers about a non-existent future where heterosexuality is no longer the norm.
"They just want you to think that all of a sudden the entire population is steadily turning gay or turning trans," Greene rants. "Just generation, generation. Probably in about four or five generations, no one will be straight anymore. Everyone will be either gay or trans or non-conforming or whatever the list of 50 or 60 different options there are."
\u201cMarjorie Taylor Greene predicted straight people will go extinct:\n\n\u201cProbably, in about four or five generations, no one will be straight anymore. Everyone will be either gay or trans or non-conforming.\u201d\u201d— PatriotTakes \ud83c\uddfa\ud83c\uddf8 (@PatriotTakes \ud83c\uddfa\ud83c\uddf8) 1653954951
Apart from unintentionally sounding like a kind of dope idea, Greene's latest homophobic (and laughable) remarks are only the latest in series of attacks on trans and gender non-conforming people. Appearing on Alex Jones' InfoWars, birthplace of the "they're putting chemicals in the water that's turning the frogs gay" meme, Greene peddled the same set of talking points conservatives have been pushing as a part of recent spate of anti-trans sports bills referencing a report of nonbinary camp counselors in San Bernardino sharing a cabin with fifth-grade girls. Greene went on to demonize the counselors as "evil" and threatened to have her husband beat them if her children went to the same California camp.
"First off, if I was a parent and my fifth-grade daughter had to sleep and showered in some kind of cabin at some summer camp that I paid money to send my child to, and there was a man calling himself a woman sleeping in her cabin, showering with her, that guy would, he'd be in jail. He would be in jail," Greene said. "Well, first off, my husband would've beat him into the ground, and then he'd be in jail. But this is exactly how we need to stand up against this stuff." Its worth pointing out that KTLA reported that there was no evidence suggesting the counselors showered with fifth graders at all.
Funnily enough, the whole "straight people going extinct" conspiracy isn't the only ridicule-worthy thing Greene has said this week. Another clip from the same broadcast where Greene erroneously mispronounced petri dish as "peach tree dish" sparked a similar wave of tweets and memes calling the Georgia representative's mental fitness into question. "You have to accept the fact that the government totally wants to provide surveillance on every part of your life," Greene said. "They want to know when you are eating, they want to know if you are eating a cheeseburger which is very bad because Bill Gates wants you to eat his fake meat that grows in a peach tree dish."
\u201c@patriottakes omg you guys \u2014 we actually have a peach tree dish hanging on the wall. I wonder if it works \u2014 we haven't tried growing fake meat in it yet.\u201d— PatriotTakes \ud83c\uddfa\ud83c\uddf8 (@PatriotTakes \ud83c\uddfa\ud83c\uddf8) 1653859668
Photo via Getty/ JIM WATSON/ AFP