Gwyneth Paltrow's Ski Trial Is the Weirdest Show on TV

Gwyneth Paltrow's Ski Trial Is the Weirdest Show on TV

Gwyneth Paltrow has not only made people around the world experts on bee sting therapy and bone broth diets — she's educating the Park City, Utah court system too.

The Goop founder has entered the second week of testimony in the trial over a 2016 ski collision at a resort in the state, after which retired optometrist Terry Sanderson claimed he suffered broken ribs and other injuries. According to his suit, Paltrow "got up, turned and skied away." Of course, her explanation is a bit different.

In a $1 symbolic suit counter-filed against Sanderson, Paltrow claimed he actually skied into her. Twist!

On Friday, she took the stand and denied that she was at fault for the crash: "Mr. Sanderson categorically hit me on the ski slope and that is the truth." She said that, while on the slopes, she suddenly felt the collision of another body on hers and two skis between her legs. According to her testimony, she also yelled at him: "I was pretty upset."

Witnesses for Sanderson included daughters Polly and Shae, as well as friends Mark and Craig and numerous expert witnesses. His original complaint included $3.1 million in damages, though that number has since been amended to $300,000. ABC News alsoreported last week that the Deer Valley ski resort was also taken off Sanderson's suit, as it claimed it was shielded from liability due to the inherent risk of the sport.

Of course, if it was as simple as a collision between a retired optometrist and a vagina candle entrepreneur, the entirety of gay Twitter wouldn't be tuned into court TV for the second week running. Here's a snippet of Paltrow's lawyer's opening statement, which included the befuddling line "I could kill myself."


Below is a portion of the cross-examination from AP, in which Paltrow describes yelling at Sanderson.

Paltrow memorably said, "Well, I lost a half day of skiing," during a line of interrogation about whether or not her vacation was ruined.

Sanderson's lawyer also went on a bizarre diatribe about her supposed friendship with Taylor Swift, as the singer also ceremoniously counter-sued a DJ for $1 after he groped her at a 2013 meet and greet.

As many have pointed out on Twitter, the cross-examination was full of utterly memorable one-liners. As the trial enters its second week, CNNreports that Paltrow's husband Brad Falchuck and her children, Apple and Moses, will testify, and her lawyers will begin their defense. God willing, there's more material for @gay_reactions in the pipeline.

My personal favorite bit is an exchange between Paltrow and Sanderson's lawyer about their shoe sizes, in which Paltrow complimented her kitten heel.

While her Academy Award for Shakespeare in Love hasn't aged all that well, Paltrow's earned back her acting credentials for this performance on the stand. She's nothing if not a savvy operator. It no longer matters whether or not Paltrow's innocent. She's already won the hearts and minds of the internet.

Photo via Rick Bowmer-Pool/Getty