Christmas is approaching. Maybe you should take a page out of Ed Sheeran's playbook?
Sam Smith sat down on The Kelly Clarkson Show for a heart-to-heart between the two songbirds. The mood changed when Smith revealed that they got an unlikely gift from Ed Sheeran.
"Oh my God... It's actually wild. I thought it was a joke, but it's a six-foot-two marble penis," Smith revealed. "It's two tons." An exasperated Clarkson asked what was on all of our minds: "What do you do with that?"
Smith understands the magnitude of the situation, and they said they're going to have to get it craned into their house. Clarkson, a speaker of the people, asked, "What, where? In your foyer?" Smith provided the perfect answer.
"I want to turn it into a fountain," they replied, with a cheeky hand motion to signal water coming out of...something. What made it even better is Smith confirmed that Sheeran has a habit of gifting people "concrete penises." Clarkson cracked a joke asking for one and Smith warned her that Sheeran will probably do it.
Now onto the next most important part of acquiring a large phallus for your home: naming it. Clarkson and Smith spitballed a few names. Phillip and Kevin were on the table, but the pair ultimately settled with Clarkson's suggestion, Duke of Hastings. Bridgerton fans' ears perked up as it's the title of Simon Bassett, the character played by the ever-so-dreamy Regé-Jean Page.
We can only hope that Smith shares some pictures when they eventually get around to craning the Duke of Hastings into their home. Also, if Ed wants to send another, the PAPER offices could always use more decoration.
Photos courtesy of John Salangsang/BFA and Jeff Kravitz/Getty
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