Maybe you’ve heard of esteemed journalist Kit Kittredge or horse girl Felicity Merriman, but have you heard of the American Girl doll who played Just Dance while her parents fought about the recession? Or the one who witnessed all 638 attempts to assassinate Fidel Castro?
Unfortunately, these are theoretical, not real, American Girl dolls and are examples of the new favorite meme of chronically online girlies everywhere.
If you somehow escaped The Care and Keeping of You during puberty or never begged your parents for one of their dolls, you may be unfamiliar with the ins and outs of the American Girl brand. The company’s most well-known dolls are from its collection of “historical characters,” each of which captures a different American era and experience. The dolls have been through a lot — war, discrimination, economic depression — but evidently not enough for the internet. People want an American Girl doll for every — and I mean every — niche.
Instagram account @hellicity_merriman is perhaps the most well-known creator of these requests. About a month ago, she called for an American Girl doll who “survived the great molasses flood of 1919” and just kept going from there. She has called for broad, relatable dolls like one who shops at Trader Joe’s but also ones who have experienced incredibly specific fanfiction scenarios and historical events. She has tapped into nostalgia, asking for a doll who won the Dylan and Cole Sprouse Danimals cruise sweepstakes, and trends, requesting a doll who drank TikTok’s “healthy coke.”
On the first day of Pride Month this year, American Girl re-released Molly, one of its historical characters, and people thought the timing was intentional. The entire situation brought the rampant homophobia in the American Girl doll collector community to light, and the company rushed to reassure everyone that the doll is not, in fact, gay. They can't let us have anything.
Regardless of Molly’s sexuality, there is clearly a lot of yearning for an LGBTQ+ American Girl doll. Perhaps one who said Kevin Jonas was her favorite Jonas Brother as a child and is now gay? Or maybe one whose gay awakening was Britney Spears and Madonna’s kiss at the 2003 VMAs? Personally, I think we need an American Girl doll who reads PAPER... but maybe that’s just me.