Because we're already worried that we haven't cried enough in 2015, allow us to juxtapose the official video to Kanye West's "Only One" -- a celebration of his mother, Dr. Donda West, whose voice Kayne channels throughout the song -- with Jay-Z's surprise track about Blue Ivy, released three years ago this week.
After the "Glory" embed, below, we compare a few key features of the two songs and pick a winner.
Glory: Laid-back R&B track, courtesy of the Neptunes. Ubiquity of Pharrell reconfirmed.
Only One: Electric piano, Auto-Tuned voices... that's it. Makes the stripped-bare Yeezus sound like Bat Out of Hell. wins this round out of its sheer unignorable strangeness.
Only One: Paul McCartney, who co-produced and performed on the track. But among all his crowns, scepters, lutes, etc., there's one distinction he doesn't hold...
Glory: Blue Ivy Carter, whose heartbeat and cooing bookend the song, became the youngest credited performer to crack the charts. SUCK IT, SIR PAUL.
MOMENT OF LYRICAL GENIUS
Only One: The whole concept of Kanye channeling his late mother, thereby singing to himself and his wife as well as North, is powerful stuff. Although Jay almost wins this round with...
Glory: "You're my child with the child from Destiny's Child."
MOST TMI MOMENT
Glory: In a stunning role-reversal, Jay takes this round completely uncontested, offering in detail the time and place of Blue Ivy's conception: "But you was made in Paris / And Mama woke up the next day and shot her album package."
Us, for being alive at a time when the guy who will "fuck your Hampton spouse / Came on her Hampton blouse" can inspire you to make weepy "just because" calls to your entire family.