TV: Celebrity Fit Club Kid (By Ann Magnuson)

By Special Correspondent ANN MAGNUSON

I never thought this would happen but I actually make a point of tuning into a reality show. As a rule I hate the things. I love real documentaries. Frederick Wiseman’s “Titicut Follies” and “Hospital,” the Maysles Bros. “Salesman,” -- these were made before people became so media savvy and self-conscious as to manipulate documentary filmmakers better than the filmmakers could manipulate their subjects.

Then came “Celebrity Fit Club 3.” And I willingly succumbed the moment I saw Chastity Bono. WTF? Chastity agreed to do this?? And Bruce Villanch? And Kelly f**kin LeBrock!! I’m putting down the clicker and watching this sucker.

I’m not even embarrassed to say I am riveted by this show. Chastity is so endearing. I’m totally rooting for her to slim down and get out of that flannel and into something slinky! And how can anyone not relate to Kelly LeBrock! The woman survived being married to Steven Segal! It was him she was married to, right? Or was it Jean Claude van Damme? Whoever it was, what woman HASN”T put on weight as a “defense mechanism” against, as LeBrock put it to the psychologist on the panel, “being seen only as a piece of ass.”  And that rapper from Eminem’s posse, Bizarre? He is so cute! How can you not love a rapper who chooses to wear a shower cap as their "signature look"? And we want Bruce Villanch to take care of his health! Who else is gonna write the Oscars? And I have to admit to shedding a tear when Countess told the story of being called "a little fat thing" on the sitcom set when she was only 12. This business is sooooo cruel!

Cruel enough to put Jeff (“Taxi”) Conway on the show when he was neither clean nor sober...and acting out all over the place for our perverted viewing pleasure. He’s been carted off to rehab now. In his place, there's Gunnar Nelson one of Ricky Nelson’s sons from the 80’s hair band “Nelson.” Nelson’s willingness to reveal the most intimate details of his family’s dysfunction means we are once again in No Boundary Heaven.

Who needs a OA, AA, NA or Al Anon meeting when you have Celebrity Fit Club 3? You might even lose some sympathy weight!


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