Truck Nuts! Who knew?

As an antidote to all the buzz surrounding Conde Nast's new swank business magazine I offer you...TRUCK NUTS! I thought I'd seen everything until we passed this pick-up on the I-15 north towards Vegas. We turned off Bear Valley Road to take the back way to Joshua Tree (the I-10 is a bloody nightmare now and not half as picturesque) and, as luck would have it, so did the pick-up! So I snapped this pic of what I thought was a terminally unique item to be seen only in the barren hinterlands. "Lord Almighty! Are those a pair of testicles hanging from that truck's bumper?" I squealed. "They look like the balls off (our friend) Blake's pitbull - before the vet finally snipped them off.  Maybe these are them?"

Well, we eventually get to the desert and relay this story to Blake who tells us he just saw a pair of similar red balls hanging off a huge Hummer in Palm Springs. (No doubt timed to coincide with one of those circuit parties?) And he mentioned it to a local chick who just shrugged and said, "Oh yeah, truck nuts."

Google "truck nuts" and you'll soon discover why the Democrats don't have a snowball's chance of hell of ever getting back into the White House. Not until they get some red state friendly Dixiecrat who can talk truck nuts to the people! (Bet Bill Clinton can.... and has.)

It's mind boggling how many businesses offer truck nuts. There are so many to choose from.

 *Truck-nuts.com asks "Does your truck have balls?"

 *Trucknutz.com wonders if you are "sick of looking at side steps and bug sheilds? Want a real auto accessory ? Want a site that offers hot chicks, bad ass rides, free stuff and the funniest accessory in the industry?"

*Bullsballs.com claims to be the "original truck ball company" and will send you a free set of their balls if you send in a shoddy pair from one of their competitors! After all, this site is the 'Home of the Biguns" which are "Delightfully Tacky, Mostly Unrefined." (Shouldn't that be "Most Unrefined"? I dunno, better ask my latte drinking blue state butler.) They are also quick to remind us "Hey Father's Day is Sunday June 18!" (A pair of these along with a crack whore in a pair of Daisy Dukes should make Dad's day extra special!)

*TheNutShop.com not only offers truck nuts but "antenna strippers," "antenna soldiers" and a heady combination of both in the "patriotic antenna stripper." (They also have truck nut earrings for yer 'ol lady!)

*Truck nuts are also known as "bumper nuts" and are available at bumpernuts.com in blue, black, red, yellow, flesh, white, brass ('natch), aluminium and camo (!!!!!!).  According to their meaty site:

"In my mind a big ass truck is not complete without a nice set of
BUMPER NUTS hanging off the hitch. Take a look at these BUMPER NUTS
on this bad boy and tell me that is not beautiful! This is the most ultimate truck accessory around. I snuck these blue balls on my buddies truck and you should have seen his face. It was priceless.  Blue balls are for married men.  His wife was laughing out loud. Makes a great gag gift!!  (Sense of humor required.)"

*And if you haven't already learned more about truck nuts than you ever thought possible, experience the majesty of America in this eloquent exchange on the message board at truck-nuts.com:

elmobluballs:
I have a Chevy S-10 without the square towing hitch. Is there a good way to hang a set of ball under the bumper and look good too
Anonymous:
sure you can use some 8 gauge wire and find a spot on the chasis to hang them
Anonymous:
or just get a hitch cover for your hitch and drill a hole in it and put a bolt and nut that way your bals can still swing if u don't tighting it to much
Anonymous:
whos got the biggest balls of them all?
Deez Nuts:
Deez Nuts on your Chin: PhatPimpClothing.com
bitch:
yall are a bunch of faggets!!!!especially deez nutz
big balls:
bitch you must be the bitch all you worry about is someone elses nutz biatch. thats why yo moma sucks donkey balls, and eats her corn flakes with cow cum
elmobluballs:
Your ALL a bunch of PUSSYs
If you had any balls at all.... you be sweating them off in Iraq.
kenny:
does it really mater who's got the biggest balls or anything? cause if u really think about it, its not the size that maters its the motion of the ocean....
Weird Girl:
elmobluballs, your right, I have no balls.
And I'm canadian and I hate war. =/
Anon:
you sad bastards thats all the american fuck ups are fuck you luv bin lardin you dings
Weird Girl:
Umm, okk... I'm canadian! =P
Anonymous:
you have to be gay to want some of those on your rig

Can the Taschen monograph be far behind?




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