Today in dumb trends, we bring you the hottest new millennial party-starter -- sober juice crawls! Or at least that's what The Guardian's reporting.

In a new report published today, they posit that those people who pay way too much money to sample a bunch of cayenne-infused waters are definitive proof of the snake people's preference for sober fun. Yep, combined with those no-booze day raves and alcohol-free bars (what?), a new set of sober, Bernie-supporting spandex-wearers (not sure how that's correlated, but ok) are the ones up to inherit the earth.

"I just feel like you have deeper conversations with people when you're not distracted by drunkenness," one particular yung philosopher states. Another says "Substances are becoming culture not counterculture." One dude sticks to not projecting, simply stating that one particular juice, "kind of makes my leg hair follicles feel like they're standing out." Because moral of the story? Booze apparently hinders human connection and feeling deeply. Plus being hungover kinda sucks.

I dunno about you, but this entire thing just makes me want to hit the (alcohol-filled) bar stat. Sorry.

[h/t The Guardian]

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