The trailer for the CW reboot of Dynasty, Aaron Spelling's campy 80s tour-de-force, is here and it's looking very... Nordstrom Rack. The original daytime soap told the tale of the Carringtons and the Colbys, two mega-rich Denver families grappling for control of their fortunes and their children while sniping at each other and wearing generally outlandish and wonderful hats. The remake seems to follow the same plotline as the original, kicking off with a rivalry between heiress Fallon Carrington and her billionaire father's new fiancé Cristal, but that's pretty much where the similarities end. Clearly their first mistake was updating the iconic spelling of the name 'Krystle' and little else, their second mistake was assuming that people care about the plot, and the most egregious lapse in judgement was in the styling, which appears to be somewhere in the BCBG range of ostentation and glamour. Where's the GUCCI of it all? Where's the FUR? Where are the CRYSTAL GOBLETS? For gods sakes, WHERE ARE THE HATS?! Don't promise me a Blair Waldorf and deliver me a Vanessa, you know?

Watch the trailer below, and then let Ms. Joan Collins show you how it's really done...

[youtube expand=1]

Sign Up For The Morning PAPER


PAPER Fashion: Madonna Diabla

Creative direction by Jess Cuevas / Art direction by Sakura Bready / Photography by Drew Escriva

Coolest Person in the Room: Jaden Walker

Story by Zach Shucklin / Photography by The Cobra Snake (Sponsored by Cuervo Tradicional Cristalino)