The Bunny Report: Wide-legged Pants "TOTALLY Retarded My Speedwalk."

Jordan Kinney

I tried to be all progressive with these wide-legged pants but I pretty much stopped caring after all that extra fabric kept like, flapping in the wind -- they TOTALLY retarded my speedwalk. I expected the typical public reactions to what I normally wear (outrage, denial, hurt) and yet the delinquent youths on my street were noticeably more hesitant with their multilingual verbal abuse. Whatev, I don’t care what my hateful neighbors say (or don’t say), it was way hard to maintain my dramatic runway pace in these giganto trousers and for that reason I now contractually oblige myself to exclusively adorn pants that fit like spandex leggings -- or sans pants I shall stroll! But I digress. I thought this entire outfit was pretty nice until I realized this other dude wore something strikingly similar (down to the crown-perched hat!) in a certain music video I’d recently encountered during an accidental viewing of TRL (What? I couldn’t find the remote!)...

At which point I revised my thoughts of "pretty nice" in favor of SO AMAZING because I totes love the Stacey Ferg!

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