
See who we thought looked like "a mermaid with a pack-a-day Misty's habit" and who looked like they were wearing a "comforter" at this year's Golden Globe Awards.
Golden Globes 2015
photo by David Crotty/PatrickMcMullan.com
Emma Stone
"I loved this look on Emma and thought it was really glamorous and sophisticated." -- Abby
"A triumph for pantsuits. Everything should have giant-ass Lanvin bows on them in 2015." -- Elizabeth
"I loved this look on Emma and thought it was really glamorous and sophisticated." -- Abby
"A triumph for pantsuits. Everything should have giant-ass Lanvin bows on them in 2015." -- Elizabeth
Golden Globes 2015
photo by David Crotty/PatrickMcMullan.com
Kate Hudson
"Kate Hudson looked bangin' in her Versace stripper prom dress. Bonus points for managing not to get the skirt all wrinkly in the limo." -- Abby
"I generally have no feelings about Kate Hudson. When I see her at awards shows, she registers simply as "oh." I just Googled her, however, and discovered that her middle name is Garry! I think more women's middle names should be male baby boomers' first names. If I ever have a daughter, her middle name will be Dennis or Larry. I thought this dress looked like electric sex on Kate Garry, too. -- Elizabeth
"Kate Hudson looked bangin' in her Versace stripper prom dress. Bonus points for managing not to get the skirt all wrinkly in the limo." -- Abby
"I generally have no feelings about Kate Hudson. When I see her at awards shows, she registers simply as "oh." I just Googled her, however, and discovered that her middle name is Garry! I think more women's middle names should be male baby boomers' first names. If I ever have a daughter, her middle name will be Dennis or Larry. I thought this dress looked like electric sex on Kate Garry, too. -- Elizabeth
Golden Globes 2015
photo by David Crotty/PatrickMcMullan.com
Lupita Nyong'o
"I love the floral-y/ombré skirt but am not crazy about the flowers on top. I admire that Lupita is taking a risk but the top of the dress just reminds me of an old lady swim cap." -- Abby
"The top doesn't bother me and I like that she went with a print. Did anyone else even bother with a print last night? No, because they're pussies. Lupita does Lupita." -- Elizabeth
"I love the floral-y/ombré skirt but am not crazy about the flowers on top. I admire that Lupita is taking a risk but the top of the dress just reminds me of an old lady swim cap." -- Abby
"The top doesn't bother me and I like that she went with a print. Did anyone else even bother with a print last night? No, because they're pussies. Lupita does Lupita." -- Elizabeth
Golden Globes 2015
photo by David Crotty/PatrickMcMullan.com
Lana Del Rey
"La Lana is giving us major Priscilla Presley-at-a-disco vibes." -- Abby
"Everyone was hating on this dress, as if Lana is supposed to show up to this shit in a Narcisco Rodriguez halter gown and a nude lip. She wore vintage Travilla, a costume designer who dressed Marilyn Monroe on the reg, and she looked like a mermaid with a pack-a-day Mistys habit. She looks perfect. She looks Lana. Can she live?" -- Elizabeth
"La Lana is giving us major Priscilla Presley-at-a-disco vibes." -- Abby
"Everyone was hating on this dress, as if Lana is supposed to show up to this shit in a Narcisco Rodriguez halter gown and a nude lip. She wore vintage Travilla, a costume designer who dressed Marilyn Monroe on the reg, and she looked like a mermaid with a pack-a-day Mistys habit. She looks perfect. She looks Lana. Can she live?" -- Elizabeth
Golden Globes 2015
photo by David Crotty/PatrickMcMullan.com
Tina Fey
"This dress has a weird shape and length and I know a lot of people thought it looked awful but I don't mind it." -- Abby
"At first, I was deeply not into this dress, but it started to grow on me and I like it in this photo. Still, her on-stage tux was the light, the truth and the way." -- Elizabeth
"This dress has a weird shape and length and I know a lot of people thought it looked awful but I don't mind it." -- Abby
"At first, I was deeply not into this dress, but it started to grow on me and I like it in this photo. Still, her on-stage tux was the light, the truth and the way." -- Elizabeth
Golden Globes 2015
photo by David Crotty/PatrickMcMullan.com
Amy Poehler
"This dress looks too matronly and the color reminds me of the shade a politician's wife would wear while standing next to him on TV while he admits to an affair."-- Abby
"Agreed. I only want to see Mz. P in Bangin' Boob Gowns. Emmys 2014, never forget." -- Elizabeth
"This dress looks too matronly and the color reminds me of the shade a politician's wife would wear while standing next to him on TV while he admits to an affair."-- Abby
"Agreed. I only want to see Mz. P in Bangin' Boob Gowns. Emmys 2014, never forget." -- Elizabeth
Golden Globes 2015
photo by David Crotty/PatrickMcMullan.com
Jessica Chastain
"Jessica Chastain looks great and that's a tough color to pull off. She looks like a beautiful candy bar." -- Abby
"She has given us repeated sad trombone red carpet looks for years, and this was nothing but air horns, sirens and Missy Elliot shouting "remix" on a loop. She nailed it. She looks so insanely beautiful. The copper color of the dress is magical with her hair. A+, screams, etc."--Elizabeth
"Jessica Chastain looks great and that's a tough color to pull off. She looks like a beautiful candy bar." -- Abby
"She has given us repeated sad trombone red carpet looks for years, and this was nothing but air horns, sirens and Missy Elliot shouting "remix" on a loop. She nailed it. She looks so insanely beautiful. The copper color of the dress is magical with her hair. A+, screams, etc."--Elizabeth
Golden Globes 2015
photo by David Crotty/PatrickMcMullan.com
Rosamund Pike
"While it's incredible how good Rosamund's figure looks considering she just popped a baby out 5 weeks ago but eeeeek this dress is not great. The shape of the bust and the cut-outs just look weird to me and seem almost too big, as if the dress could come undone at any moment." -- Abby
"Agreed. The cut-outs are just not working and the straps seem like they're too long. Rosamund should have ridden that dark Gone Girl wave and gone for a smoldering bad-bitch look, hate-fucking everyone with her eyes. Instead, she let Kate Hudson steal that away. You could have been a contender, Rosamund." -- --Elizabeth
"While it's incredible how good Rosamund's figure looks considering she just popped a baby out 5 weeks ago but eeeeek this dress is not great. The shape of the bust and the cut-outs just look weird to me and seem almost too big, as if the dress could come undone at any moment." -- Abby
"Agreed. The cut-outs are just not working and the straps seem like they're too long. Rosamund should have ridden that dark Gone Girl wave and gone for a smoldering bad-bitch look, hate-fucking everyone with her eyes. Instead, she let Kate Hudson steal that away. You could have been a contender, Rosamund." -- --Elizabeth
Golden Globes 2015
photo by David Crotty/PatrickMcMullan.com
Naomi Watts
"The color is stunning but I'm not crazy about the belt or the draping up top. A pretty dress but one that I'll probably forget all about tomorrow." -- Abby
"Agreed. Platinum blonde hair + canary yellow + a bold red lip = setting fire to the rain every time. But, yeah, the belt is a little weird. Still, I like the serpent choker and the vague, overall mob-girlfriend-'70s-disco-dancer vibe that's coming off here." -- -- Elizabeth
"The color is stunning but I'm not crazy about the belt or the draping up top. A pretty dress but one that I'll probably forget all about tomorrow." -- Abby
"Agreed. Platinum blonde hair + canary yellow + a bold red lip = setting fire to the rain every time. But, yeah, the belt is a little weird. Still, I like the serpent choker and the vague, overall mob-girlfriend-'70s-disco-dancer vibe that's coming off here." -- -- Elizabeth
Golden Globes 2015
photo by David Crotty/PatrickMcMullan.com
Amy Adams
"On TV this color looked super weird on Amy's fair skin -- almost like a weird gray -- but in this photo the blue comes out more and looks much better. Aside from that, I really liked the draping -- Amy looks like a goddess." -- Abby
"The color of this dress is what you would call "muted" or "neutral." That's all I have to say about it. I think she looks fine." -- Elizabeth
"On TV this color looked super weird on Amy's fair skin -- almost like a weird gray -- but in this photo the blue comes out more and looks much better. Aside from that, I really liked the draping -- Amy looks like a goddess." -- Abby
"The color of this dress is what you would call "muted" or "neutral." That's all I have to say about it. I think she looks fine." -- Elizabeth
Golden Globes 2015
photo by David Crotty/PatrickMcMullan.com
Emily Blunt
"There's nothing super offensive about the dress -- it's a bit of a snooze and we've seen those cut-outs a bajillion times but it's fine. Her hair, on the other hand, does not look so hot. On TV the braid crown looked pretty but the LA humidity really wreaked havoc on the front, giving her kind of an unkempt look." -- Abby
"You can't expect fireworks from a floor-length, white, Michael Kors, Grecian-style gown. So we won't expect them. This is fine." -- Elizabeth
"There's nothing super offensive about the dress -- it's a bit of a snooze and we've seen those cut-outs a bajillion times but it's fine. Her hair, on the other hand, does not look so hot. On TV the braid crown looked pretty but the LA humidity really wreaked havoc on the front, giving her kind of an unkempt look." -- Abby
"You can't expect fireworks from a floor-length, white, Michael Kors, Grecian-style gown. So we won't expect them. This is fine." -- Elizabeth
Golden Globes 2015
photo by David Crotty/PatrickMcMullan.com
Lena Dunham
"I like Lena's shoes. That is all." -- Abby
"I still think Lena could really maximize her troll if she just rolled through one year in a black, cap-sleeved Calvin Klein gown, all bronzed and Aniston and boring. People would flip out." -- Elizabeth
"I like Lena's shoes. That is all." -- Abby
"I still think Lena could really maximize her troll if she just rolled through one year in a black, cap-sleeved Calvin Klein gown, all bronzed and Aniston and boring. People would flip out." -- Elizabeth
Golden Globes 2015
photo by David Crotty/PatrickMcMullan.com
Julianne Moore
"Everything about Julianne's look is amazing except the messy hair." -- Abby
"Best dressed of the night. This gown is so gorgeous on her, I can feel the endorphins being released into my blood stream when I look at it. I have the same sensation looking at this dress as I do when I eat melted cheese. It's just so lovely." -- Elizabeth
"Everything about Julianne's look is amazing except the messy hair." -- Abby
"Best dressed of the night. This gown is so gorgeous on her, I can feel the endorphins being released into my blood stream when I look at it. I have the same sensation looking at this dress as I do when I eat melted cheese. It's just so lovely." -- Elizabeth
Golden Globes 2015
photo by David Crotty/PatrickMcMullan.com
Felicity Jones
"Felicity's dress was actually one of my favorites of the night because it was so different than anything anyone else wore. The color seems like it'd be very tricky to pull off but looks great with Felicity's hair and skin. And the conservative cut is a nice nod to her role in the Stephen Hawking period film, The Theory of Everything." -- Abby
"I will let the girl in the sparkly black dress standing in the background let you know what I thought of this dress." -- Elizabeth
"Felicity's dress was actually one of my favorites of the night because it was so different than anything anyone else wore. The color seems like it'd be very tricky to pull off but looks great with Felicity's hair and skin. And the conservative cut is a nice nod to her role in the Stephen Hawking period film, The Theory of Everything." -- Abby
"I will let the girl in the sparkly black dress standing in the background let you know what I thought of this dress." -- Elizabeth
Golden Globes 2015
photo by David Crotty/PatrickMcMullan.com
Dakota Johnson
"Dakota looks like a sparkly disco ball but I'm not crazy about her hair. I would've liked it to look a little neater." -- Abby
"She looks fine. I don't like that flower on the front of the dress, but I also don't know what else I'd want to be there." -- Elizabeth
"Dakota looks like a sparkly disco ball but I'm not crazy about her hair. I would've liked it to look a little neater." -- Abby
"She looks fine. I don't like that flower on the front of the dress, but I also don't know what else I'd want to be there." -- Elizabeth
Golden Globes 2015
photo by David Crotty/PatrickMcMullan.com
Allison Williams
"I really like Allison's hair but the gown looks a tad '50s housewife-attending-a-Christmas-party-at-the-country-club. I can't decide if I like that or not." -- Abby
"I liked this. She looks like '50s Christmas decorations or a fancy pinata, and everyone loves '50s Christmas decorations and pinatas. I thought it worked." -- Elizabeth
"I really like Allison's hair but the gown looks a tad '50s housewife-attending-a-Christmas-party-at-the-country-club. I can't decide if I like that or not." -- Abby
"I liked this. She looks like '50s Christmas decorations or a fancy pinata, and everyone loves '50s Christmas decorations and pinatas. I thought it worked." -- Elizabeth
Golden Globes 2015
photo by David Crotty/PatrickMcMullan.com
Uzo Aduba
"Uzo looks stunning. We're so used to seeing her look so androgynous on Orange Is the New Black and it's great to see her look so glammed up." -- Abby
"This is perfect, goodbye."-- Elizabeth
"Uzo looks stunning. We're so used to seeing her look so androgynous on Orange Is the New Black and it's great to see her look so glammed up." -- Abby
"This is perfect, goodbye."-- Elizabeth
Golden Globes 2015
photo by David Crotty/PatrickMcMullan.com
Reese Witherspoon
"Eh, we've seen this a million times. That said, Reese looks great." -- Abby
"Agreed. Fine. Nice. Reese." -- Elizabeth
"Eh, we've seen this a million times. That said, Reese looks great." -- Abby
"Agreed. Fine. Nice. Reese." -- Elizabeth
Golden Globes 2015
photo by David Crotty/PatrickMcMullan.com
George Clooney and Amal Alamuddin Clooney
"George looks like silver fox to end all silver foxes and Amal looks beautiful even but the gloves are a little silly. Her dress was classy and chic, if a tad boring, but you know what? She's a freakin' human rights lawyer -- what were you expecting? Her to come out wearing a sparkly dress cut to the navel?" -- Abby
"Not a fan of the gloves, but I also respect them. Amal stole your man and wore some dumb gloves too. Are you talking to her? Do you even glove?" -- Elizabeth
"George looks like silver fox to end all silver foxes and Amal looks beautiful even but the gloves are a little silly. Her dress was classy and chic, if a tad boring, but you know what? She's a freakin' human rights lawyer -- what were you expecting? Her to come out wearing a sparkly dress cut to the navel?" -- Abby
"Not a fan of the gloves, but I also respect them. Amal stole your man and wore some dumb gloves too. Are you talking to her? Do you even glove?" -- Elizabeth
Golden Globes 2015
photo by David Crotty/PatrickMcMullan.com
Sienna Miller
"Sienna's dress was kooky but I actually really liked it." -- Abby
"This dress does nothing for me. That said, embellishments and embroidery are a dance with the devil and Sienna lives on the edge. Respect." -- Elizabeth
"Sienna's dress was kooky but I actually really liked it." -- Abby
"This dress does nothing for me. That said, embellishments and embroidery are a dance with the devil and Sienna lives on the edge. Respect." -- Elizabeth
Golden Globes 2015
photo by David Crotty/PatrickMcMullan.com
Anna Kendrick
"Thumbs up, Anna. Not the top look of the night but a very good one." -- Abby
"Agreed, I think this is so lovely." -- Elizabeth
"Thumbs up, Anna. Not the top look of the night but a very good one." -- Abby
"Agreed, I think this is so lovely." -- Elizabeth
Golden Globes 2015
photo by David Crotty/PatrickMcMullan.com
Kerry Washington
"The colors and texture were really pretty but the length and the neckline/off-the-shoulders sleeves are hideous. The whole effect makes her look weirdly lilliputian." -- Abby
"This dress grew on me through out the night -- I like the fabric a lot -- but I think the cut and the two-tones going on are just too much. You don't really notice her, because you're trying to make sense of the dress, and she's Kerry F-ing Washington." -- Elizabeth
"The colors and texture were really pretty but the length and the neckline/off-the-shoulders sleeves are hideous. The whole effect makes her look weirdly lilliputian." -- Abby
"This dress grew on me through out the night -- I like the fabric a lot -- but I think the cut and the two-tones going on are just too much. You don't really notice her, because you're trying to make sense of the dress, and she's Kerry F-ing Washington." -- Elizabeth
Golden Globes 2015
photo by David Crotty/PatrickMcMullan.com
Keira Knightley
"She looks like she's wearing a pilgrim collar over some wallpaper. The butterfly corsage thing is also really weird, too. It looks like something I imagine you'd wear at the Playa at Burning man." -- Abby
"She's pregnant, which more or less makes her off limits. And I think she knows that, too, which is why she just went HAM on the fug. Bask in that fug, Keira. Be the fug." -- Elizabeth
"She looks like she's wearing a pilgrim collar over some wallpaper. The butterfly corsage thing is also really weird, too. It looks like something I imagine you'd wear at the Playa at Burning man." -- Abby
"She's pregnant, which more or less makes her off limits. And I think she knows that, too, which is why she just went HAM on the fug. Bask in that fug, Keira. Be the fug." -- Elizabeth
Golden Globes 2015
photo by David Crotty/PatrickMcMullan.com
Maggie Gyllenhaal
"This seems like a pretty boring choice for Maggie, no? But she looks great so I guess there's not too much to harp on." -- Abby
"This color is what industry insiders and the Lands End catalog call "dusty rose." She looks fine in this dusty rose number. V. good cheek bones, too. She almost always looks like a cat to me, which I think is nice." -- Elizabeth
"This seems like a pretty boring choice for Maggie, no? But she looks great so I guess there's not too much to harp on." -- Abby
"This color is what industry insiders and the Lands End catalog call "dusty rose." She looks fine in this dusty rose number. V. good cheek bones, too. She almost always looks like a cat to me, which I think is nice." -- Elizabeth
Golden Globes 2015
photo by David Crotty/PatrickMcMullan.com
Jennifer Aniston
"Very 2002-chic." -- Abby
"Jennifer Aniston is face-framing highlights. She is a non-streaking bronzer lotion that moisturizes, without staining your clothes. She is a black halter dress. She is: Aniston." -- Elizabeth
"Very 2002-chic." -- Abby
"Jennifer Aniston is face-framing highlights. She is a non-streaking bronzer lotion that moisturizes, without staining your clothes. She is a black halter dress. She is: Aniston." -- Elizabeth
Golden Globes 2015
photo by David Crotty/PatrickMcMullan.com
Jennifer Lopez
"Even though I'm so over seeing Jennifer Lopez in this sparkly dresses with lots of cleavage, she looks awesome. And the cape is kind of fun." -- Abby
"Yes, your breasts." -- Elizabeth
"Even though I'm so over seeing Jennifer Lopez in this sparkly dresses with lots of cleavage, she looks awesome. And the cape is kind of fun." -- Abby
"Yes, your breasts." -- Elizabeth
Golden Globes 2015
photo by David Crotty/PatrickMcMullan.com
Gina Rodriguez
"Gina looks beautiful and even though the dress is a bit boring, it's a nice, perfectly acceptable choice for her first awards show." -- Abby
"She looks beautiful. The end." -- Elizabeth
"Gina looks beautiful and even though the dress is a bit boring, it's a nice, perfectly acceptable choice for her first awards show." -- Abby
"She looks beautiful. The end." -- Elizabeth
Golden Globes 2015
photo by David Crotty/PatrickMcMullan.com
Lorde
"Even though the overall effect is smokin', I had several issues with Lorde's look: 1) the pants needed to be hemmed, 2) the crop top looked way too casual for this event -- more appropriate for an after-party than the awards show and 3) I'm very sick of almond-shaped talons for nails. -- Abby
"Lorde is a teenage girl." -- Elizabeth
"Even though the overall effect is smokin', I had several issues with Lorde's look: 1) the pants needed to be hemmed, 2) the crop top looked way too casual for this event -- more appropriate for an after-party than the awards show and 3) I'm very sick of almond-shaped talons for nails. -- Abby
"Lorde is a teenage girl." -- Elizabeth
Golden Globes 2015
photo by David Crotty/PatrickMcMullan.com
Claire Danes
"If this dress was a bit more form-fitting and didn't have the sheer cut-out in the bodice, I'd like it a whole lot more. Right now the whole cut feels a bit "fancy folklore costume" to me." -- Abby
"Agreed. I like the overall World Market vibe I'm getting from this but don't like how wide the front panel is." -- Elizabeth
"If this dress was a bit more form-fitting and didn't have the sheer cut-out in the bodice, I'd like it a whole lot more. Right now the whole cut feels a bit "fancy folklore costume" to me." -- Abby
"Agreed. I like the overall World Market vibe I'm getting from this but don't like how wide the front panel is." -- Elizabeth
Golden Globes 2015
photo by David Crotty/PatrickMcMullan.com
Salma Hayek
"I really liked Salma's dress even if it basically looked like a comforter. The belt needed to go, though." -- Abby
"This is a wedding dress from hell that makes no sense, which makes me like it. The belt is dumb. I liked that the cameras showed her preening her hair in the background several times through out the night, like "la-la-la-la-la, look at meeeeee" which is exactly how you should act in a dress like that. Well done, girl. -- Elizabeth
"I really liked Salma's dress even if it basically looked like a comforter. The belt needed to go, though." -- Abby
"This is a wedding dress from hell that makes no sense, which makes me like it. The belt is dumb. I liked that the cameras showed her preening her hair in the background several times through out the night, like "la-la-la-la-la, look at meeeeee" which is exactly how you should act in a dress like that. Well done, girl. -- Elizabeth

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