Despite Zika, the "uninhabitable" Olympic Village, the massive civil unrest, and the torrents of raw sewage athletes will compete in ("we can try to block the big items like sofas and dead bodies, but these rivers are pure sludge so bacteria and viruses are going to pass through" - uhhhhh), the Opening Ceremonies for the 2016 Summer Olympic Games are happening in less than a week, baby! Get ready to pull together what tattered scraps of national pride this election cycle has left you with and feel feelings about pole vaulting!

If you need a little help getting into the spirit of the thing, look no further than this perfect Instagram video shot by Toronto Raptors shooting guard Demar Derozan, of The US Men's Basketball Team singing Vanessa Carlton's 'A Thousand Miles' en route to the games. This clip is as adorable as the Rio river systems are filled with hazardous microorganisms. Make America sing Vanessa Carlton again!


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