Tana Mongeau has pulled back the curtain on her experience with MTV in a lengthy confessional detailing her health struggles.
In the hour-long video uploaded to her YouTube earlier this week, the star reflected on her past year, saying that while "2019 might've been one of the most successful textbook years of my life," in terms of her mental health, it was "absolutely, hands-down in my 21-years of life the worst year of that."
According to Mongeau, in addition to her highly publicized split with Jake Paul, she was also dealing with her "abusive" parents — a combination of things that led her to start abusing Xanax.
"I was definitely taking enough to where I wasn't trying to kill myself, but I definitely didn't care if I died," she said. Mongeau then went on to explain that her addiction got to the point where her health was "failing" from her Xanax usage and constant weed smoking.
Unfortunately, Mongeau said that filming her MTV reality show, Tana Turns 21, further exacerbated her physical and mental health issues — something she believed the network took advantage of.
"They like drama. They know how to give us call-times that make us really tired and give us phone calls and meetings that make us really stressed and have the producers whisper little things to us that make us bicker," she claimed in reference to her and manager Jordan Worona's tense on-screen relationship. "We fought a lot on the show, but a lot of the things that are now edited to make it look like this major serious fight were sarcastic things we were saying to each other."
Not only that, but Mongeau also believed that MTV edited footage to paint her and her friends in a bad light, though she admitted that she ultimately "blamed" herself "for even being in such a mindset to just film like that and not even think of what MTV would do with it."
"I hate who I was at that time. I wish that footage wasn't out there," she continued. "I wish I never gave the opportunity for someone to edit me like that. I will never ever ever go back to a place that was that dark."
That said, she said she eventually moved out of her house to avoid the production crew after realizing "that if I didn't change something I was going to die, whether it was from a drug overdose, complete exhaustion or letting my suicidal thoughts get the best of me. Or, if I didn't take care of my health to the point of no return."
Thankfully though, Mongeau said she's gotten better and now feels like she's "finally in a place to be a role model," which was also a big factor in her decision to open up about her health struggles.
"I have this platform with millions of people listening to the things I say and I can do more to be a better person and make the world a better person," she said. "I needed to be the almost exact opposite of that and hit that darkest, lowest point to understand how important life is and what I have is."
MTV has yet to respond to Mongeau's video, which you can watch for yourself, below.
If you or someone you know needs help, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).