Transcripts of Portland Mayor Charlie Hale's voicemails. This country is a moron. [Mlkshk]

This evil wrongdoing assassin cat has his plot foiled at the last second. [ TastefullyOffensive]

Same. [ Mlkshk]

:( [ BlamesAPartOfMe]

Go nuts for the Danish Squirrel! [ GoofGirls]

Conan O' Brien, Kevin Hart and Ice Cube teach a Conan staffer how to drive, and it's the best. Consey is king of the remote segment!

Wait til you see Yoda's dick, y'all. [ BFF]

Right??? [ BlamesAPartOfMe]

This country is a moron. [ Mlkshk]

Elvis the lab playing with balloons = us when we are able to successfully make small talk with 1-2 people at a party. [ TastefullyOffensive]

Where is the lie. [ ThatsSoModeratelyRaven]

Get it, girl! [ AfternoonSnoozeButton]

If Chewbacca was voiced by Tim Allen. Sure! [ TastefullyOffensive]

Set in your childhood dentist's office. [LaughterKey]

From Leonard Delaney, "most important living writer today" and author of Microsoft Word erotica Conquered by Clippy and Sex Boat, comes the topical Oregon Patriots Occupied My Butt. It features the line, "the men... became a sea of writing flesh rolls." More militia buttplay here.

Free Tinder bio! [ PenisHilton]

To all the messy bitches who live for drama, have a great Sunday. Joanne the Scammer sees u.

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