Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber took a break from sipping brandy by the light of 10,000 candles to promote his new musical, School of Rock, on Good Morning Britain with noted bridge troll Piers Morgan. I mean, deeply, truly, and in every way possible who cares, UNTIL Webber went ahead and made the claim that he discovered international treasure and bad gyal for the ages, Robyn Rihanna Fenty. Here is Webber's incredibly creepy account of the Rih Rih origin story:

I saw her, she was singing with a sort of karaoke band at a hotel I was staying at, Sandy Lane in Barbados. She was singing there — God this must have been about 12 years ago. I remember talking to Nigel Wright, who's sort of my music guy, and we were having a drink, and we thought, "she's very, very good." I said to Nigel, "If we bring her back, you know it's like when you see a picture when you're away and you take it home and you think why did I buy that?" I said, "Nigel, we'll get her back, it'll be fine, but then what do we do?" Failure.

What a great great story! I love the part where the world's most English man casually compares a Barbadian teenage girl to a souvenir. Piers Morgan goes on to ask Webber how much money he thinks he lost (gross) by ignoring his gut instinct to steal a 16-year-old Rihanna away to his frigid island home, and Webber responds, "I don't think in those terms, but it's not a story I'm proud of." Welp, instead of being known as the man who discovered Rihanna, I guess he'll just have to settle for being known as the man who wrote the world's most famous musical about melodramatically horny cats.

Watch the clip below...

[h/t Stereogum]

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