America's sweetheart and former Paper cover girl Paris Hilton announced today that she would be producing an "unflinching, authorized documentary" about her life, which will begin filming this summer amidst jets of foam on the island of Ibiza. The documentary will tackle Paris' rise to fame, her relationship to the media and the public, her entrepreneurial chops, and modern celebrity itself. THEY WILL NOT FLINCH, YOU GUYS. In the press release, the slated directors of the film describe Paris as "a modern-day Marilyn Monroe – beautiful, iconized, world famous, shaped by mass media, and misunderstood." Yes, ok, I see your mood board, but what we really want to know – need to know – about the life of Paris Hilton is whether or not she's secretly obsessed with restoring WW2-era radios and making occult observations about the movements of the cosmos.

This rumor, the best of all celebrity rumors, stems from messages posted on an obscure website called Mean Stars (stay with me), which is allows users to share stories about their run-ins with celebs and rate whether they are Mean Stars or Nice Stars (lol). On Paris Hilton's page, there are typical tales of Whole Foods run-ins (Nice Star!) and night club power plays (Mean Star!), but then there's also this...

!!!Followed by this!!!

Can you even handle this?!!? Two uncannily similar stories that combine utterly insane details (notebooks full of numbers!) with the plausibly mundane (playstation and reindeer socks!), posted a year apart, on a desert island of a website. WHO IS SHE?

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