Miley Cyrus is fresh off the release of her new EP She Is Coming, including the luminous single "Cattitude," which we here at PAPER, have been thinking about a lot.
To celebrate the new era Miley (which is sort of a pastiche of past Mileys, with a new level of absurdity), the pop star has released a new line of extremely on-brand merch, which includes special "She Is Coming" condoms, available now for $20 each.
She Is Coming is, for the most part, a very horny EP which celebrates Miley's sexual appetite and agency, so it's a fitting addition to the merch line, which also includes a t-shirt printed with what looks like a post food-fight picture of Miley, heartily enjoying a banana. I'm certain there are lots of fans who will find having safe sex courtesy of Miley very enjoyable. Though at $20 a pop, they're probably more likely to end up collectors items, for people to put in memory boxes and show to their children one day.
Much of the merch line is printed with a phone number 1-800-SHE-IS-MC which fans can call the number to enjoy a recording of Miley, instructing them to hang up if they're under 18 in an extremely chipper voice, and then riffing on various "Cattitude" lyrics (I was instructed to find more gratitude in my life). Following Miley's greeting, you can leave message for Miley, which apparently can be "used in the future for promotional purposes."
Want to score a "ft" on one of Miley's next two EPs coming out this year? Grab a condom, call her up and say something crazy.
Photo via Getty