During the season finale of the not long for this world American Idol, Jennifer Lopez announced a Las Vegas residency that, if there is justice in the world, will extend past its original January-June dates and eventually rival Celine Dion's show as a permanent, glorious fixture of the city. In a statement, J-Lo says that the show will be a "multifacted high energy Jenny from the block party," suggesting it will be similar to other Vegas revues. But wouldn't it be more fun if the show were entirely based on one of Jenny's past movie roles? Here are a few possibilities:

The Cell
Everyone always forgets about The Cell, the Tarsem Singh movie in which J. Lo plays a child psychologist who has to literally venture into the twisted mind of a serial killer (Vincent D'Onofrio, naturally) in order to save a kidnapped woman. In this version of the show, the entire audience takes hallucinogens and tries to agree on the weirdest form of torture. Occasionally Vince Vaughn (who plays the FBI agent teamed with Lopez) shows up.


Each night, as penance for creating Gigli, Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck must enact a Greek tragedy anew, in which thousands of people come to see them be ritually punished, going through the motions of their relationship and breakup, but never quite making it to the point where one of them is stable and successful and the other is Batman. It is very similar to that one episode of Black Mirror.

Jennifer Lopez has a staged supernatural fight with Jane Fonda. Expensive pyrotechnics, antique swords, full-sized mecha suits are involved.

The Boy Next Door

An extended reading of the first edition of the Iliad (but sexy).

You May Also Like