Christian Carino, outside of his relationship with Lady Gaga, is a pretty big deal. He's a talent agent with some of the most famous clients on the planet, including Justin Bieber, Jennifer Lopez, Christina Aguilera, Miley Cyrus, and Mother Monster herself.
Agents work a lot and make tons of money and scream at people on the phone. We're sure he is very busy! But not too busy to devote himself to his lady love, Lady Gaga. He even has a giant tattoo of her face, based on a photo from a 2011 V Magazine spread.
Carino's Instagram, which we've been obsessively perusing since Gaga confirmed that the two were engaged, is essentially the world's most intimate stan page. We went off the deep end and did a deep dive. There are so many pictures of Stefani Germanotta living her beautiful life, which apparently includes a lot of baseball. There are mini-ponies! The whole page is even littered with classic "come to Brazil" comments. What a journey.
Turns out that apparently Carino only got an Instagram to document his love of Gaga. His first 21 posts are all blurry shots from the Joanne tour, the exact kind of pictures you'd expect a middle-aged dad to take. Gaga doesn't seem to mind! We don't either! Christian Carino, you stan Gaga, and we also stan you.
Here is Gaga at the Louvre, ensconced in Carino's inked arms.
Here's a BTS look at Gaga's dramatic arrival at the Venice Film Festival (perfect for this wholly Eye-talian couple). Her face is mostly obscured by Carino scooching across a speedboat, but you get the idea. She yells! She laughs!
Here is Gaga, tan and beautiful and bare-faced on some gorgeous beach.
Here is the couple getting attacked by rabid fans.
Gaga's eyes, which according to another post are the "sweetest eyes" Carino has "ever seen." We thought agents were supposed to be heartless?
Lady Gaga's lips apparently serve as Christian Carino's home. Perhaps the Malibu mansion is undergoing renovations.
The piéce de resistance: Gaga with mini-ponies. Mini! Ponies! They are Gaga's (though Carino also has two adorable pugs), their names are Sandy and Gracie, she rides them to help with her chronic pain, and they are perfection.
A backstage view.
Dude posts Gaga's performances a lot.
"Why is it that she doesn't need any makeup but can take so long to get ready?" The eternal question of a man who is truly in love with the face before him!
Yes, we get it! Home! Home! Home!
Also "Happiness." The more we comb through Christian Carino's Instagram, the larger our hearts grow (three whole sizes, like Tiny Tim or whatever). His love is beautiful!
Despite the fact that she lives on a cliff in Malibu, Gaga is a New Yorkah through and through. Christian understands her!
In which Carino invents an acronym for "You Are The Love of My Life." Somewhere out there, Drake furiously sips a Hennessy.
Gaga and her sister, Natali. We can only presume that the "secret sauce" is precious Germanotta DNA.
Gaga, betraying the Yankees with this trip to Fenway.
Photo via Instagram