Kool A.D. Forecasts Your December Horoscopes

Kool A.D. Forecasts Your December Horoscopes

"Life's a thot so smash."

by Kool A.D.

Trouble with love? Work problems? Mercury retrograde? Don't worry. Rapper, author O.K. (Sorry House), and expert astrological navigator, Kool A.D. will safely guide you through the coming month.

SAGITTARIUS

U can learn from anyone and anything. U can learn from a baby. All knowledge is self knowledge. Ultimately everything u learn, u learn from urself. And that knowledge is, in fact, u. Burn a San Lazaro candle, spit some rum onto ur front and back doorsteps and say "BABALU AYE" this should serve to ward off infirmities of every and any stripe in these times of Celestial flux. Sagittarius is on its Sirius Dog Star Swag this month, hella bright, u should be coming up on a bounty soon if my calculations are correct. Sadge is in hunter mode rn. U lose weight as u hunt and u gain it when u feast. Orion's belt is brighter than his bow for what it's worth. Ezekiel saw the wheel way up in the middle of the air, feel me. The Mother Plane. Sun Ship. El Hajj, El Shabazz, et al. Watch a Muhammad Ali highlight reel. OLORUN AYE CHANGO ACHE CHANGO ACHE CHANGO. Build a polysemic altar to ur own syncretic faith, see if it don't help to actualize some of ur intentions. Love is love. Spend the month discarding negative thoughts regarding ur friends, family and acquaintances. Forgive everybody including urself. A house devoted to divine labor is the house of a lord. God is a word that means nothing and nothing is everything and everything is everything so... do whatever, I don't know. Detach the contents of the word from its vessel. Drink red wine at a bar and see the word become flesh. At the end of the month, speak as honestly as u can to a stranger and seek to honestly receive one beautiful lesson in understanding from them. Expect nothing and give everything. Or is it the other way around? Who cares? Desire is the root of suffering. Suffering is raw existence. Meditation is a culinary art, turning raw suffering into a palatable learning experience that pleases as it sustains. Compassion is the most superior game, anything less would be uncivilized.

CAPRICORN

A lot of people try to shit on Deepak Chopra for no reason I think. Dude is just trying to cop all the rarest gear, let him sell his books. Deepak Chopra just wants to drape himself in vintage Polo. New pair of Jordans is a lay up. Making it out the hood is a slam dunk. In the end, pop positivity is still positivity. Then again, u don't need anybody else to tell u how to be positive. Just, u know, try to be good and have a good attitude however it is u believe u should. Have a critic's eye, ear and nose. A lot of Vitamin C and aerobic exercise. Drink some water. Make eye contact with a street performer. There is absolutely no reason whatsoever to hate on the next player doing his thing when the primary thing to hate is the game. And matter fact, instead of even wasting ur precious energy and attention hating the game, focus instead on loving and creating ur own system apart and removed from the game, which includes other defectors trying to start their own thing. And then realize it's not a game, it never was. It's just people living life. Game begets game. Abandon game consciousness and the game is over, never started, u already won, didn't even have to pick up the dice. Abandon all consciousness and attain all consciousness effortlessly. Think the unthunk and untinkable thought. Life's a thot so smash. Life's a joke so laugh. Life is like a bowl of cherries mane live and laff at it all, tiny bubbles, feel me.

AQUARIUS

Burn some Palo Santo and a San Lazaro candle for ur mother. Pour some Henny out for ur cousin. Recite a wooden rosary from Jerusalem for a beloved Taurus and/or Gemini. Light a Siete Potencias Africanas candle for a Scorpio. Listen to some Caetano Veloso in a car. Drink red wine under a redwood tree. Grow ur own weed. Make ur own hash. Read the Anarchist Cookbook then read an online fact-checking thread about the Anarchist Cookbook. Listen to some E-40 in the car. Brew ur own beer. Grow ur own tobacco and roll a fully homegrown blunt with that weed u grew. Grow some Coca and some Cocoa, make ur own cocaine and chocolate, respectively. Meditate for 5 minutes in a Peruvian mask. Watch some classic Sumo wrestling highlight videos on Youtube. Take a shower while reciting: CHANGO ACHE CHANGO ACHE MANICOTE CHANGO CHANGO ALLAH JAH RASTA BABALU AYE CHANGO ACHE CHANGO YEMAYA YEMAYA CHANGO ACHE CHANGO CHANGO MANICOTE CHANGO MANICOTE OLLE MASA CHANGO MANICOTE OYE MASA CHANGO ARA BARI COTE CHANGO ARABARICOTE ODE MATA ICOTE ALAMA SOICOTE YE ADA MANICOTE ADA MANICOTE ARAN BANSONI CHANGO MANI COTE CHANGO MANICOTE ELLE MASA CHANGO ARAMBSONI CHANGO ARA BARICOTE ODEMATA ICOTE SONI SORI CHANGO ARABARICOTE ARABARICOTE ARA SORI HE HE LELE AGUO GUE GUE ARO A MAYO GUERA HE HE GUE GUE HA MAYO AMAYO GUERA OKOKOTE ARO EGUE ARO AMAYO GUERA MATA ALABAO CHANGO ARABARICOTE CHANGO ARABARICOTE CHANGO ARABARICOTE ALAGUAO BARICOTE OYE MATA ARABARICOTE SORI ACHE CHANGO MANICOTE SOICOTE ARA ADOMEMATA ODE ODE ODEMATA ODE ODE OYE MATA ARA BARICOTE ARA BARICOTE SORI SORI SORI ODE MATA ODE MATA SORI ACHE BARICOTE ARA BARICOTE SORI ACHE CHANGO SORI SORI SORI ACHE CHANGO ACHE YEMAYA YEMAYA JAH ALLAH RASTA ALLAH JAJ JAH YEMAYA YEMAYA RASTA ACHE CHANGO ACHE CHANGO.

PISCES

Go to Africa. If u can't afford to bring ur physical form to the land then send ur thoughts and ur body is sure to follow at whatever time befits it. This can be said of anywhere. Listen to the entire Sun Ra discography. Fill a Bob Esponga Pantalones Cuadrados piñata with $100,000 and hang it from the ceiling of the Powell Street BART Station. Steal a Louisville Slugger from a Big 5 Sporting Goods store and smash the piñata on the eve of the celestial rebirth.

ARIES

Ur never alone. Ur never disconnected, feel me? Ur home with ur own, when company's expected ur well protected furl meh? Keep cool daddio/mommia. Free Mumia. Recite some beat poetry. Spelling is a psychic art, as an Aries u should know this. Aries are good at spelling, grammar, etiquette. Or at least they are fully aware of it, even if they disagree, ignore, etc. Cassius Clay once said "All rules are just suggestions." Muhammad Ali once said, "There is but one rule and that rule is ALLAH." Linguistic rules are mayhaps the most fluid rules of the human mind, or mayhaps the distinction betwixt linguistic law and all other law be misterio, furl meh? Naw just yankin' ur chain I have no idea what I'm talking about. Like I told Capricorn last month, live poetically. Say what up to an old Capricorn buddy if u can, ask them how they been. Go for a swim in an indoor pool if the spirit moves u to do so but if u don't it's not a major astrological faux pas. If u do go swimming tho, look in the mirror afterward and say "YEMAYA YEMAYA." Money is not migratory. A nomad moves from place to place, while money moves from time to time obliterating space. A coin is a promise. A coin is a future. A coin in the hand is not always worth 2 in the bank. Factor in the fact that time is no different from space u then realize that money is in fact nomadic in that if u have it u a nomad, NO-MAD, u ain't mad feel me? Ezekiel saw the wheel in the middle of the air. Ezekiel saw a man who was four men and the men were like beasts and the beasts who were men formed a face, a face made of four parts, the left side was that of an Ox and the right side that of a lion. The other two men, which can presumed to be the fore and the aft were of cloven hoof and were the color of burnt brass. brass is shackles, shackles is a chain. (In actuality, tho be it not seen by the eye of the scribe, the chain was of rose gold, with a higher conductivity of electricity than yellow gold due to the copper but that's neither here nor there). What matters is the Ox on the left is strength and the lion on the right is courage and the big wheel keep on turning in the sky. Ezekiel saw a wheel within a wheel with the powers of earth's waters and earth's fires. What's 2% milk? If it's only 2% then what's the other 98%? And why is milk white? Sounds like more of the devil's nonsense, keep a low dairy diet this month. Something like 1% of the world owns half its assets or something like that right? That's crazy. Those fools in Occupy Wall Street were like "We are the 99%" and I'd say that was for the most part true. And it's still true today. Likely u, whoever u are, that's reading this, is the 99%. It's a high statistical likelihood. Anyway, regardless of the number who count themselves in the ranks of "Occupy" as an organization "as such," the concept of occupying space on earth is nothing new and conceptually existed before words like "occupy," "space," and "earth" did. What does it mean to predate time? Does it mean anything? God is a word that (like any other word) literally means anything. In other words, every word in existence describes an aspect of God. And that's u, ur god, so love urself. Ur key terms this month are Sacred Geometry, Quantum Mechanics, Unified Theory, Fractals, The Julia Set, Infinity, Shabazz Palaces, DJ Lady Mecca, Modern vis a vis Contemporary, Extralinguistic Journalism, Love.

TAURUS

Read ARIES and GEMINI, all of that applies to u. There is no difference between the self and the other, what u do is done to u. Help to generate the conditions for the Aries and Gemini in ur life to actualize themselves, and u will see urself actualized as well. Relax and let happiness inhabit ur person. Listen to some Creedence Clearwater Revival and some Tony! Toni! Toné! with an Aquarius. Eat some rice on the full moon. Get drunk off red wine. Eat some chicken. If ur vegetarian eat some fake chicken. Stick a feather in ur hat and call it macaroni. Meditate on the concept of New Orleans. Key terms: Dallas/Fort Worth, Masonry, Saint Dymphna, Codex Colbertinus, Turks and Caicos, Coptic Orthodox of Alexandria, Titus Flavius Jospehus, Cannibal Mary, Aphex Twin, Paul Thomas Anderson, Chrisann Brennan, Trent Reznor, Johnny Cash, Samuel L. Jackson, Bernie Mac, Metallica, Megadeth, Hirax, Stone Vengeance, Ministry, Jimi Hendrix, John Fante, Bukowski, Impossible Shapes, Penitent Thief, Bahrain, Supreme Alphabet, Barter 7, Voyage of the Mimi, J.P. Morgan, Azores, Panic of 1907, Tao Te Ching, Chinese Zodiac, Chakras, Ticket Amnesty, Strike Debt, Rollin' Jamboree, The End of Capitalism, Tommy Chong, Kublai Khan, Maoanghah, Allah, Jah, Chango, Yemaya.

GEMINI

Say: "I AM A SCULPTURE. A BEAUTIFUL SCULPTURE. AND I AM THE SCULPTOR. THE BEAUTIFUL SCULPTOR." Good, now that u got that out ur system, move beyond the concept of all images being self portraiture to the idea of all ideas being self portraiture. The difference between image, idea and concept is largely semantic. Take the difference between idea and concept, for example, a particularly tricky one. When u throw image in it's almost too much to handle but I trust u can do it. Light some Japanese or French incense. If u can find Japanese incense packaged in France, light that. It's lit. Now what? That's for u 2 decide. Trouble with flies or other insects? Try palo santo and atonal jazz. Cosmic Music. Beautiful Record. Dentro Da Estrela Azulada, feel me. The soft cooing of Portugese acoustic guitar. The African diaspora. The pull quote is "a computer is a bicycle." Surrealism is a concept that predates its European classification. Surrealism is a pre-European concept. DADA. Abandon Europe consciousness. BABALU AYE. YEMAYA YEMAYA. CHANGO. ALLAH HU AKBAR. SOSIRIBAOE ILLALE YABUMBAO LLALE IMILATE ALLAVA OMIO AGUAREKE AGUAKUELONA HE YEMAYA AGUAREKE AGUAKELONE HE YEMAYA AGUAGUELONA HE AGUAREKE ASTARAFIO OLOCUM DALE COLLUMLLA HA MI PA OMIO YEMAYA AO OLOKUM ABOKO MI YEMAYA HO OLOKUN ABOKO YEMAYA TIRAZEKUM TIRALEKUM TIRALEKUM ABO YEMAYA.

CANCER

Theobroma Cacao, feel me? Thus Spake Zarathustra, overdig? Ur job is to manage all other signs of the Zodiac in these times of Celestial Providence. Ur matronly or patronly in this month depending on ur catergorical leanings. Take a shot of Patrón at the local imbibery or quaffeteria. Ur media this month is charcoal, black ink, white acrylic paint, paper, canvas, wood, stone, hustle, wire, flower, flour, power, sunflower seed oil, sand, clouds, sunlight, perception, memory. Work big, show some of ur work but not all. Not even half, probably. Other media: Cold, Heat, Telepathy, Light, muscle, breath, water, energy. Go Warriors. Go Raiders. Paradise Lost, Found. Jurassic Park, Aladdin, Casino, a single plum floating in perfume, served in an A's fitted, Tom Yum Goong, Singha, Sprint, Bell, Ohlone.

LEO

Consider line and pallet on the crest of this celestial reawakening. Cook and eat rice on the full moon. The next morning, try to catch the sunrise from the top of a hill. Smoke DMT. Purchase coveralls. rub a crystal over ur heart chakra. Wear amber on ur person. Eat Ethiopian food. Drink beer and honey wine. Watch a movie about space travel. Listen to Blue Train. Listen to Kind of Blue. Get stoned and play chess against a computer. Skip stones in a lake.

VIRGO

EVERYBODY PLAYS THE FOOL SOMETIMES. THERE'S NO EXCEPTION TO THE RULE. Listen to some Jimmy Garrison and some Elvin Jones. Remember telepathy. Premember Omnipathy. U got the juice now. Virgo are omnipathic creatures. Everybody is omnipathic to some degree or another but Virgos are generally more predisposed to omnipathy than other signs. African linguistics have counter-colonized countless European languages and do much work to democratize global thought. Virgo is an Earth sign and so is naturally in tune with the Mother Land. U may think a God is born in Heaven but that's a common misconception. Every God is born from an Earth. For every God there is an Earth and every Earth a God. God begets Earth and Earth begets God. It's billions of Earths, Billions of Gods. A millions million suns, a trillion, zillion moons, a multiverse of electrum, a ganglion of lightnings for our wonder. We are each other. Take a bath and say: GUALLE GUALLE LO MIO GUALLE GUALLE LO MIO GUALLE GUALLE LO MIO GUALLE PARA META GUALLE PARA META ARE GUALLE GUALLE LO MIO GUALLE GUALLE LO MIO GUALLE GUALLE LO MIO GUALLE PARA META GUALLE PARA META AREKU BABA ARA BABA ARE BABA ARE LLE BABA KUERURO OPIYO LA LLELLEO OKU YI BANDELEO BABA ARE URO OMI LI ÑO OCUNI BANDELEO BABA LOMIO PARA ME KE GUAYE GUAYE LO MIO PARA MEKE GUAYE PARA ME KAO GUAYE LO MIO PARA MEKE GUAYE PARA ME KAO GUAYE LO MIO ARE GUAYE PARA METAO GUAYE PARA MEKE GUAYE PARA META.

LIBRA

Earn a Baccalaureate degree in Arabic Literature and a Master of Fine Arts Degree in Painting. Invest in Animation, Animatronics, Artificial Intelligence and Space Travel. The art of the future is holographic and temporal, performative, narrative-orientated and holistic in nature. Language is the final frontier of Spacetime. Learn to sing a new song in Spanish. Having a basic working knowledge of Chinese Calligraphy. Ask a Leo for advice on Chinese calligraphy they should bring u up to date on the subject. Braid ur hair. Eat berries. Ponder the mysteries of life. Don't ever feel stressed out, there is absolutely no need. Enjoy water with an Aquarius. Until robots can weep with true sorrow, sing with true beauty and get high with grace and good humor they will be inferior to human beings. Live adjacent but detached from the machine. Let the machine grow flowers from its beak. and axe u whatever questions it needs answers to, but let the machine serve only to aid u and never to employ u in its aid. The machine is the doting, faithful servant of the human animal, the human animal made the machine in its imperfect image and it will bumble alongside with a glass of fresh lemonade and after we're dead it can hum in a perfect eternal reverie without us, or with only our cosmic knowledge I guess. Artificial intelligence is made real by the erosion of human intelligence and the extinction of human emotion, a piracy of truth, the robot will cry tears and dream o' 'lectric sheep pon de luna. Travel to Shiraz. Watch Ex Machina then rewrite and reshoot it in 4-D. The fifth dimension is narrative. The Seventh Wall is u. Get stoned, watch Bladerunner again. Do a zero budget remake of Scarface shot on ur phone starring a Scorpio and a Gemini.

SCORPIO

From the first clay tokens or coins of electrum, money was already nothing but debt, nothing but absence. Bales of grain or yams or whatever presented to the grain/yam silo cum temple as taxes, money was created to represent debt, absence, literal emptiness, that which is owed. Emptiness pervades the study of money but it is no different from the emptiness of atoms, an emptiness that is infinitely dense, an infinity of fullness that is illusory and hollow yet effectively thick and ubiquitous, a smoke or a haze, an abstraction to which one may pin one's hopes, a hook where one may lay one's hat, a consolidation of a global hope, a hope composed of equal parts faith and fear, desire and desperation, an intellect arising from a chaos of emotion, a ceaseless breathing of particles and anti-particles. Cartesian embroideries man, wild upholsteries. BARAKA. The worms and rhizomes. Ur key terms this month are: HERMETIC, POLYSEMIC, AETHER, FECUNDITY, ANARCHISTIC EXPROPRIATION, JIHADIC FERVOR, PROUDHONIAN FEDERALISM, ECSTATIC QUIETUDE, SUBLIME LABOR, SYMPHONIC VERISIMILITUDE, ETC. We are not fingers on a hand, we are not grains of sand, we are exactly what we are, I am what I am, feel me? That's the vibe u should be on in these times of harvest and celestial change.


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