But they've reached an almost celestial level of YAS with today's story, lovingly recounting an alleged sighting of a rapturous Justin Bieber at the chic and exclusive Aire Ancient Baths spa in Tribeca on Tuesday.
Titled "Justin Bieber really enjoyed his rubdown," the quick item contains multitudes, like this:
Around 3 p.m., a spy said Bieber was at the spa — "next to one of the pools getting massaged by two very large, strong men," and he was "moaning for all to hear."
"Behold me!" Justin cried out--his voice echoing throughout the lofty corridors; the burly men dutifully rubbing in silence.
The story continues, rocketing towards zenith glory...
The Biebs then made small talk with a woman getting into the pool and went back to his massage.
Later, the singer hopped into another pool and chatted with a couple, and also wished another guest who was celebrating her birthday at the spa a "happy birthday."
I have been reduced to a slight, ashen silhouette on the office floor below me.