The good people at Page Six never fail to bring us mirth each and every day...whether a tale of a trespassing Tinsley Mortimer, or headlines like this:

But they've reached an almost celestial level of YAS with today's story, lovingly recounting an alleged sighting of a rapturous Justin Bieber at the chic and exclusive Aire Ancient Baths spa in Tribeca on Tuesday.

Titled "Justin Bieber really enjoyed his rubdown," the quick item contains multitudes, like this:

Around 3 p.m., a spy said Bieber was at the spa — "next to one of the pools getting massaged by two very large, strong men," and he was "moaning for all to hear."

Moaning.

"Behold me!" Justin cried out--his voice echoing throughout the lofty corridors; the burly men dutifully rubbing in silence.

The story continues, rocketing towards zenith glory...

The Biebs then made small talk with a woman getting into the pool and went back to his massage.

Later, the singer hopped into another pool and chatted with a couple, and also wished another guest who was celebrating her birthday at the spa a "happy birthday."

Happy birthday.

I have been reduced to a slight, ashen silhouette on the office floor below me.


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